Finding Yourself
by lovrgrl5
Summary: Everyone has things in their past that shape their future. Blaine's people pleasing ways led to putting himself last and keeping his heart locked away. Kurt's past has left him skittish, especially around people. Will a chance encounter let them break down each other's barriers, or will they forever be stuck in their self damaging ways? AU
1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderson was not a morning person. It was as simple as that. It didn't help that many of his nights ended in the wee hours of the morning, but he was not convinced **_that_** was part of the issue. His meetings were just scheduled too early for his liking.

His phone rang shrilly, waking him out of a peaceful slumber. As he reached blindly, unwilling to open his eyes yet, to turn off his alarm ap, his arm ended up slapping flesh rather than the wood of his nightstand. Blaine groaned and shook his head.

"Turn that **_fucking_** noise off." The man in his bed snapped.

Blaine opened his eyes and grabbed his phone from the man's other side, hitting the proper buttons to silence the device.

"If you're pissed about my alarm maybe you shouldn't have stayed the night. I **_tried_** to offer you a cab last night." Blaine snapped back as he slipped out of bed, "I'll call you one now; it'll be here in fifteen minutes. I need to shower; you can show yourself out when the cab is here."

The man, _'__Shit. What's his name?'_, sat up, quirking an eyebrow at Blaine, "Aren't you just a charmer?" The sarcasm was not lost on Blaine, "Don't bother with the cab. I'll take the subway. Thanks for letting me crash." Blaine nodded as he turned to study his wardrobe options for the day as the man got out of his bed to gather his clothing from the night before, "You're a good fuck, we should hook up again sometime."

Blaine snorted; he **_rarely_** hooked up with the same guy twice. He **_didn't_** do relationships. _'__Not since Andrew, anyway. I learned my lesson on relationships. Never again.'_

Just as he was about to immediately turn the guy down, his inner need to make everyone happy pulled at him. He knew he was a shallow ass when it came to personal relationships, but he still couldn't bring himself to straight out turn the guy down.

"I'm sure I'll see you around sometime." Blaine said, finally grabbing a decent looking outfit.

He turned to see the man smirk and walk out of the room, fully dressed. The sound of the front door opening and shutting allowed Blaine to take a second and compile his thoughts without feeling guarded.

_'__Today's the day Blaine. Stand up for yourself. Tell them you're done doing for others what you should be doing for yourself. It's time to shine.'_

Blaine nodded to himself, a new spring in his step as he made his way to the bathroom to get ready for his day.

* * *

Kurt Hummel was **_not_** a people's person. If he could go without being around people for the rest of his life, he'd be a happy camper. Unfortunately, the world didn't work that way. Kurt walked briskly with his eyes trained on the ground directly in front of his feet, hoping that no one would cut him off.

He turned the corner and looked up briefly and sighed as he saw the crowd ahead of him. _'__Why can't everyone just stay the hell away from here? It's not even the business part of town, nor is it the tourist part. STOP!'_

He moved to the building side of the sidewalk and kept with his pace; ignoring the griping people he swept past. He was **_not_** in the mood. He just needed to get to work. He would not let these people bother him. Nope. He would keep walking and avoid eye contact and the inevitable conversations that came with eye contact. _'__Just keep moving Kurt. You can do it. Breathe. They won't hurt you if you just keep moving and don't talk to them.'_

He finally reached his destination and opened the glass door. He breathed a sigh of relief at the familiarity of the grocery store that he had been working at for the previous seven years. He nodded to the coworkers that greeted him as he passed them, keeping his eyes trained on the ground as he went.

As soon as he reached the employee room, he shut the door and walked to his locker. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, silently praising himself for making it through the throngs of people outside without fully panicking. He opened his locker and put his messenger bag inside and grabbed his apron, placing it neatly over his outfit, he headed out to the floor for what was sure to be another painfully long day of trying to stay invisible as he lined the shelves with everyone's favorite goods.

* * *

"Frankly, Blaine; I don't give a shit. You have been highly recommended by many people for accounts like these. These are accounts you don't turn down! You will **_not_** fuck this up for us! We've worked too hard to get you to this point for you to throw it all away because you think you've got the goods to make it for yourself." Jared Strong, Blaine's agent, sneered at him from across the desk.

Blaine frowned, trying to push his guilt aside, "I know you've worked your ass off for me, but people **_wouldn't_** be requesting me if they thought I didn't have talent. I think-"

"Oh you've got talent alright. I wouldn't represent you if that weren't the case. You're talent helps people become big bright stars! You've even written a **_fucking_** Broadway musical that will open in the coming months. You make stars. You're paid big sums of cash to keep your mouth shut and write the music that everyone knows and loves. No one gives a fuck that you're the 'ghost' in their lives; they **_need_** you and your songs."

"Yes but I want to take credit for my work now. I get that I can't take credit for anything in the past, but I want to make a name for myself. I want to own the work I do. I want to sing the songs I write. I want the congratulations that I deserve. I want people to know that the songs they connect to come from **_my_** head, my **_soul_**! Not from some **_dickhead_** of an eighteen year old who thinks his shit doesn't stink." Blaine snapped back at Jared, annoyed that the man didn't seem to care that he cared about his work and wanted to feel heard for once.

Jared sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, "You know, Blaine, I'm just disappointed; and I know all three of these accounts would be too." Blaine tried to stomp down the nagging in his stomach trying to tell him not to let them down, "Everyone speaks **_so_** highly of you, they expect nothing but cooperation and the best songs that their money could buy. But," Jared let out a heavy sigh, "I **_guess_** I can try and let them down easily. Tell them that you are terribly sorry for causing them trouble, but you're doing you own thing now." Blaine's heart began to race and his stomach turned as the guilt began to build even more, "And I suppose I'll work even harder to try and make you mainstream. Get you some gigs, some studio time and a record deal. It'll be a **_ton_** of extra work, all to turn down these jobs." Jared shook his head slowly, and shuffled the papers around, "But if that's what you **_really_** want, Blaine, I won't stop you. I'll just call and let these people down now."

Blaine watched as Jared picked up his phone. His body was physically beginning to shake. "Stop."

Jared looked over in surprise, "I'm sorry?"

Blaine sighed resignedly, "Stop, Jared. I'll do it. I'll write for them. No one else though. After this I'm done."

Jared smiled brightly and hung up the phone, "Oh, Blaine! I knew you wouldn't let us down! Now, how about some lunch?"

* * *

Kurt jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned slowly and looked up to the man behind him.

"Yes sir? How may I help you?" Kurt asked, trying to keep his voice in control.

"What aisle is the baby shit?" The man asked around his chewing gum.

Kurt swallowed at the man's bulging muscles under his thin t-shirt, knowing the man could snap him in an instant. "U-um, on four sir."

"Thanks." The man nodded and headed off.

Kurt sighed in relief once the man turned into the aisle and turned to look at the clock over the store entrance. He smiled and mentally patted himself on the back for making it through his shift as he stood and made his way to the employee room to gather his bag once again.

As Kurt made his way out of the store and down the street, his gaze on his feet once again, he felt his anxiety kicking in. He had promised himself that morning he'd stop for takeout on his way home. It was not only extra time around others, it was an extra conversation he'd have to have with someone. He quickly made his way to the subway station and hopped in the car just in time for the doors to close.

Throughout the ride, Kurt kept his eyes on the ground and made a mental list of all of the takeout places on his way home from the subway station. His tiny New York apartment was in a nice neighborhood with every kind of food he could ever possibly want within blocks of his home. Not that he ate at those places often; he usually just got groceries from work and cooked from home. He chose to go with Mr. Chao's Chinese Palace because it was the most direct place between the subway station and his home.

As soon as he reached his station, he ran up the stairs and directly into Mr. Chao's. He hastily ordered his food and sat on the bench with his leg bouncing in anxiety as he waited for the food to finish cooking. Many people entered and exited the establishment and Kurt avoided looking at any one of them. He tensed when he felt someone sit next to him on the bench to wait for their food. He curled in on himself and leaned away from the person.

"Do you eat here often?" The woman, as the voice identified her, asked from her seat next to Kurt.

Kurt shook his head and turned away, not really caring that it would be considered rude of him to do so.

Fifteen minutes later the woman that had taken his order brought the bag of his steaming food to Kurt's perch.

"Here you go, sir. Is there anything else I can get you?" She said, holding out the bag for him to take.

Kurt swallowed thickly, "D-does it have chopsticks in the bag?"

"Of course, sir. There's only one way to eat our food; that's with chopsticks." The woman giggled at her own joke.

Kurt tried to smile gratefully, making eye contact with the woman for barely a moment before exiting the shop as fast as possible. He walked the block and a half to his building, his breathing coming quickly, not from exertion but anxiety, and his heart pounding.

As he ran up the stairs to his front door, he ignored the girl who rented the apartment next to his who greeted him as they passed on the stairwell. He dug his keys from the side pocket of his messenger bag and fumbled with the lock with his shaky hands. He had a hard time seeing through the tears that welled in his eyes.

He made it inside, rushed to put his food on the counter before sinking to the ground. He curled up in a ball and tried to focus on calming his breathing.

_'__One too many things today. Shouldn't have stopped for food. Should have known better.'_

* * *

Blaine blinked heavily as he took another gulp of his drink, the alcohol stinging as it made its way down. He looked around with a contented smile on his face. The lights flashed brightly and the music played loud, letting him get lost in it. The beat pounded through his body, his hips swaying in time with it.

_'__You fuck up. Couldn't even stand up for yourself properly. At least you can do __**this**__.'_ He spied an attractive guy making eyes at him and he gulped the rest of his drink in one swallow, _'__At least no one can take this away from you. You'll own this talent. You won't even let your emotions win at something like this. Just do what you know how to own.'_ He ignored that his alcohol fuzzed brain didn't even make sense at that point in the evening. It was three a.m. and nothing really mattered anymore.

Blaine walked forward to the guy and went in for the kill, shoving his tongue immediately in the other man's mouth, no shame nor misleading conversation about his actions.

**XXXX**

Blaine woke the next morning with a headache in a strange apartment, in bed with a man he didn't know. He sighed and got up, not even bothering to wake the man. He slipped on his clothes and made sure he had his keys, phone and wallet and made his way outside. He stepped onto the sidewalk and looked around, trying to figure out where he was.

He tried to ignore the chalky taste in his mouth as his stomach growled and lurched all at once, causing Blaine to **_almost_** regret the last drink he'd had the night before. He spied a grocery store down the block a ways and decided to stop in there and grab something to snack on and ask where he could find a subway station.

He made his way into the store, immediately spotting the ready-to-go sandwiches advertised in the back corner by the refrigerated section and meandered towards the sign. He smiled at the guy who was stocking the milk, but the man kept his eyes on his task at hand.

Blaine kept his smile on as he spoke, "Excuse me?"

The man jumped and looked up at Blaine. Blaine felt his heart stop as the man's gorgeous blue-green eyes met his gaze. Blaine took a second to really study the man; he was gorgeous. Blaine's heart began thudding in his chest. _'__What the fuck? You haven't had a reaction like this in years. You know better than this. You __**just**__ got laid too, so it's not like your horny. Just ask your fucking question and be on your way.'_

"Y-yes sir?" The soft voice of an angel-_'__Seriously? Stop. FUCK!'_-spoke to Blaine.

"Yeah, do you know where I can find the subway station? I'm sort of lost."

The man swallowed, "U-um, yes sir. When you exit take a left and walk t-two blocks then take a right and walk a block then take a left and you'll s-see it about halfway down the street on the left."

"Excellent, thank you," Blaine looked to the man's chest to see his nametag pinned to his apron, "Kurt."

The man-Kurt- nodded and turned back to his work, visibly shaking. Blaine wondered if he should ask if he was alright, but decided against it. He headed over to the sandwiches he had had his eye on upon entering the store.

Just as he was about to grab the turkey and swiss cheese sandwich all hell broke loose.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Okay, so if you follow me on Tumblr, you've seen me giggling to myself about my new WIP that I've been working on alongside IMU. Well, I have decided to begin posting it, also against my better judgment. ;) This story popped into my head and I've been constantly thinking about it since so I'm hoping to get a ton of work on it done so I can try and keep up with the updating schedule of IMU and FOL (though FOL is almost finished being posted). I'm hoping to go for updates every other week, maybe every third depending on how far ahead I stay. Here's hoping! :) Let me know what you think of this one, yeah? All my usual formatting applies, for those who are new it's all pretty straight forward but if you have any questions at all please feel free to ask! The only formatting I will make sure to mention is that the 'grey line' is a perspective change between Kurt and Blaine. I look forward to hearing y'all's feedback. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine heard the 'thwunk-gulp' as a plastic carton of a gallon of milk hit the ground before he heard the undeniable 'splash' of the milk erupting everywhere. Blaine cringed as he pictured the gorgeous man, Kurt, losing his grip on the carton through his shakiness.

"**WHAT THE FUCK, MAN**?! **WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING**?!** I'M FUCKING SOAKED**! **YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, DROPPING THAT SHIT JUST AS I STEP OVER TO GRAB A FUCKING YOGURT**!"

Blaine turned to see a man dressed in a nice suit, obviously on his way to some high powered job, screaming at Kurt. Blaine abandoned his sandwich quest, taking in the sight before him.

Kurt had shrunk into a ball on the floor with his arms folded over the back of his head in a protective stance. His shoulders were raising and falling rapidly with his breathing. His entire body was shaking even worse than before. With every passing word of the businessman he seemed to shrink smaller and smaller.

"Is there a problem here?" A man wearing a polo shirt with the name of the store stitched into it asked the yelling man, ignoring his suffering employee.

Blaine stepped forward as the man began yelling at the manager. He bypassed the duo and sunk to his knees, ignoring that his jeans were getting wet.

"Hey." Blaine said, knowing not to touch the man or else it might make things worse.

Kurt immediately stiffened, but his breathing kept going rapidly, causing small whimpers to escape his lips.

"Hey," Blaine tried again in a soft tone, "It's okay. It was an accident. Deep breaths. I'm right here. Deep breaths. Calm down. It'll be okay."

Blaine kept coaching the man to take deep breaths and try and calm down until his breathing finally began to slow, his muscles going slack. Blaine watched him slowly unfold from his hunched form. Once his arms dropped, he turned his head to the side just enough for one brilliant blue-green eye to meet Blaine's gaze. His eye looked exhausted, understandably so.

"My name's Blaine." Blaine didn't know why his name popped out of his mouth, but it did and he held out his hand for the man to shake.

Kurt's eye flickered to his hand and back to his face; he slowly reached out a hand and shook Blaine's. "Kurt."

Blaine released the man's hand and offered a soft smile, "You okay?"

Kurt sat down on the ground and wrinkled his nose in disgust as he felt the wetness of the milk lake soaking into his khakis, "Yes. I'm sorry."

Blaine felt his stomach drop, "What for? This was an accident." He said, gesturing to the milk surrounding them.

Kurt shook his head slowly, "For freaking out. Thanks for helping."

Just as Blaine was about to respond, the manager intervened.

"Kurt? I need you to clean this up **_immediately_**. One more incident and you're out, you got it?"

Kurt nodded slowly and responded in a small voice that Blaine could barely hear, "Sorry Seth."

"Just get moving." The manager-Seth-turned to Blaine, "Sir? Is there something I can help you find? I apologize for the mess, it'll be cleaned in no time." His voice was sugary sweet, a huge contrast from the voice he'd used with Kurt.

Blaine watched Kurt stand and scurry to the back room with his eyes trained on the floor, ignoring the snickering of people watching him pass with the large wet spot gracing the back of his pants.

Blaine stood and faced the manager, "It was an **_accident_**. Accidents happen. That other guy was a dick. Don't fucking take it out on your employee."

Blaine turned and walked out of the store without waiting for a response. The further he walked, the more his heart told him to go back and make sure Kurt was alright. He shook his head as though to clear the thoughts.

_'Forget him. He'll be fine. He already said so. You've done your duty, let it go.'_

* * *

Kurt tried not to cry-again- as he locked the door to his apartment the following morning. He hadn't slept well at all the night before as his mind replayed the scene from the afternoon he'd endured. He also couldn't get the nice man with the beautiful honey-hazel eyes out of his mind. _'Stop. He's just a random person-a random person you told your name to. He'll probably come back. When he does just keep your head down...but he helped...no. Head down.'_

Kurt took his time walking to work from the subway station. He had some extra time because he hadn't looked at his clock before leaving and was early for his shift. As he rounded the final corner, he lifted his head for his scan to find a clear path to walk to the store. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a mop of curls standing outside of the store scanning the sidewalk around him.

_'Oh no. He's back. Keep your head down and he won't notice you. He doesn't know you've seen him. Just keep walking. Ignore him. He'll only hurt you. Just go. Please don't hurt me. Please. Please. Please. Just go away. Don't notice me. Please.'_

As Kurt walked closer and closer to the store, keeping his eyes locked on the pavement at his feet, his mind went into overdrive. Subconsciously he knew he needed to pull it together before a full panic attack took him over, but he **_needed_** to get past Blaine without being noticed.

"Kurt?" _'Damn it. Keep walking. You don't hear him. Just go. Go away! Let me go. Please.' _"Kurt! Wait up!"

Kurt walked as fast as he could past the voice. Not fast enough, apparently, as he felt a hand softly touch his arm in passing.

It wasn't a grip. It wasn't rough. Just a soft pat to try and get his attention. Kurt still couldn't help the yelp or the way he jumped out of the way, nearly hitting a costumer who was trying to enter the store.

"Oh **_shit_**, I'm so sorry. Kurt? It's me. Blaine? From...yesterday." Blaine's voice drifted toward Kurt where he stood, facing away from Blaine, trying to keep his breathing under control. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

_'Just answer his question and move on. Tell him to leave you alone.'_

Kurt sucked in a deep breath and turned to face Blaine once again, "I'm fine, Blaine. Please just leave me alone. Okay? I just want to be left alone."

Blaine's brows furrowed into a cross of confusion, hurt and worry, "Okay. Well, if you, uh, need anything-"

Kurt watched with wide eyes as Blaine began reaching his hand out, a piece of folded paper tucked between his fingers. Kurt's heart began to race and he tried to take a steadying breath, "Stop." Blaine's hand immediately stopped, as did his voice, "**_Please_** just leave me alone. I appreciate what you did yesterday. You helped a lot. Just...please leave me alone now."

Kurt felt his heart pang in his chest at the sad look that briefly crossed Blaine's features before he schooled his expression into a half-smile.

"Okay, Kurt. Take care of yourself, okay?"

Kurt nodded and dropped his gaze to the pavement once again and walked as fast as he could into the store without even casting smiles at those who welcomed him.

* * *

Blaine scratched out yet another line of the song he was trying to finish. It had been two weeks since the meeting with Jared and he had very little to show for all of the hours he'd put in. He had to have one song done within two days and the other two he still had a week to finish. He was screwed.

It's not that he wasn't inspired to write, just not for other people. Not anymore. All of the lyrics he'd come up with fit perfectly for the album that he wanted to put together for himself.

Not to mention every time he tried to focus the image of Kurt would pop into his mind and he'd wonder how he was holding up. Kurt had asked him to leave him alone. Plain and simple. Blaine couldn't deny him that simple request. He just had to get over it. It's not like he would have acted on any of the feelings fluttering in his chest, he'd learned that lesson long ago, but it didn't mean he wasn't allowed to care from a distance.

The bell over the door to the diner rang; Blaine didn't look up to see who it was. Probably one of the regulars. This was a diner that Blaine loved to sit in and write, or just pass time. It was on a secluded street that Blaine had found upon first moving to New York, before he made all of his money that allowed him to move into the gorgeous apartment he'd moved to a few years prior.

It was only when he heard the voice that Blaine looked up.

"Go ahead and find a seat, someone will be with you in just a second." Marge, the nice woman who ran the diner, said.

"O-okay. No problem."

That's when Blaine looked up. _'No fucking way!'_

Kurt stood, wringing his hands, looking around the shop, which was mostly empty, for a place to sit. He kept looking back to the door, appearing to decide whether or not to stay.

"Kurt?" Blaine said, with his arm half-raised in greeting.

Kurt's eyes flew to Blaine, his mouth dropped open in surprise. He seemed to study Blaine for a moment before taking a small, tentative, step towards him.

"Blaine? I-I didn't know you came here."

Blaine nodded, "You want to sit down?" He asked, gesturing to the empty side of the booth.

Kurt raised a shaking hand to itch his neck, looking between the door and Blaine, "U-um. Okay."

Kurt slowly sank onto the very edge of the bench, his eyes studying Blaine thoroughly. Blaine closed his notebook and placed his pen on top of it.

"So, I've never seen you in here before. Do you come here often?" Blaine said with an easy smile.

"Oh-"

"Alright, sorry for the wait. What can I start you with, sir?" Lily, one of the waitresses, asked Kurt with a bright smile.

Kurt's wide eyes blinked at her, his breathing a little faster than the moment before. He looked to Blaine for a second before meeting Lily's gaze again, "Um, coffee please. Just coffee. Thanks." He looked to the table as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

"Oh don't worry, sir. You can pay when you're done." Lily said before turning to Blaine, her smile brightening even more as she reached out to touch his shoulder, "What about you, Blaine? How are you doing? Can I get you **_anything_** else?"

Blaine smiled at her; she knew he was gay but always attempted to flirt with him, "I'm just fine, Lily. Maybe a refill on my coffee, if you wouldn't mind?"

"Of course. Are you **_sure_** that's all I can do for you?" She said with a wink.

Blaine laughed heartily, she just giggled along as well, "Still gay, Lil. Nice try though." He said with a wink.

"Alright, I'll go get you boys your coffee. Gimme your cup, Blaine."

He handed her his cup and turned his attention to Kurt once more. His eyes were wide as saucers as he looked between Blaine and Lily and the table. At least his breathing was beginning to slow a bit.

"So, you never answered my question. Do you come in here often?"

* * *

Kurt closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He was already pushing himself enough by making the stop in the diner for coffee before work. Pushing himself even more by sitting with **_Blaine_** of all people was pushing too far. He knew it but also wanted to see just how much he could take. When he opened his eyes again he saw Lily (_'That was her name right?'_) walking over with two cups of coffee in hand.

"Here you go guys." She set them down on the table, "I'm Lily by the way."

Kurt shook her hand and offered a weak, "Kurt."

"So, are you Blaine's boyfriend or something? I've **_never_** seen him bring anyone in with him before. Well, not since-"

"**_Okay_**, thank you Lily. No he's not my boyfriend. Just a...an acquaintance. We're just getting to know each other." Blaine said with a soft smile.

Kurt's heart rate sped up in his chest. _'No. No! See. This is what happens. You knew better than to sit with him. Stop. Go now. Get up and go. Pay for your damn coffee and go.'_

"Kurt?" Blaine's voice broke through his thoughts.

"U-um. No. I don't." Kurt answered softly, trying to regain control of his breathing, **_again_**.

"I'm sorry?" Blaine asked, confused as to what Kurt was answering.

Kurt took a steadying breath, "I don't come here often. Do you?"

Blaine's eyes lit with comprehension, "Yeah, actually I do. I used to live around here and I loved this place, so when I need time for me I come here."

Kurt nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. "I-I live around here. I decided to stop in before work today."

Blaine hummed in response, "Why today? Why not before?"

Kurt swallowed over the lump in his throat, _'Just one little true answer won't kill you. Okay two if you include the first answer.'_ "I wanted to push myself. To be more...social."

Blaine's smile wasn't condescending at all, if anything it was **_understanding_**. Kurt didn't know how that was possible. Blaine was a confident, well liked guy from what Kurt could tell from the few times he had seen him.

"Well, that's great that-"

'Defying Gravity' rang through the air, interrupting Blaine's sentence. Kurt scrambled into his bag and pressed the silent button on his phone. He saw Rachel's name and rolled his eyes lovingly. They had remained close through everything and he didn't know what he'd do without her, but this was neither the time nor place for what was sure to be a lengthy discussion. She'd had an audition the week before and her callback was the day before, surely she found out whether or not she got the part.

"I'm sorry." Kurt mumbled.

"It's okay, I love that musical. Too bad it's no longer on Broadway; or touring, for that matter." Blaine replied.

Kurt smiled slightly, feeling himself relax. As soon as the realization hit him, he stood up out of his seat and reached into his pocket, slamming some cash down on the table. He made to leave, but Blaine's voice stopped him.

"Kurt, wait!" Blaine's pleading voice called out to him; Kurt turned slowly, his heart running rampant in his chest, his breathing fast. "Just...wait a second."

Kurt took a deep breath, "I have to go to work."

He turned and ran out of the diner, straight back home to the safety behind his walls. He called out sick to work, ignoring the disappointment in Seth's voice and curled up into a ball on his couch, a blanket wrapped tightly around him.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Thank y'all SO much for your support for this story! I'm very excited about it and I'm glad y'all are enjoying it also. Let me know what you thought of this chapter! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

When Kurt finally came back to himself he was exhausted. He didn't know how much time had passed but his body screamed at him as he slowly stretched himself out. He figured he'd been out for a while considering all of the aches that immediately showed up. He found his phone on the floor next to the couch and he kicked off the blanket around him to reach down and grab it.

He pushed the button to display the time and frowned when he saw that four hours had passed. _'Another long one. At least it's better than the last long one.'_

He scrolled through his several missed calls and texts from Rachel demanding he call her. He sighed and stood up to stretch some more and change out of his now sweaty clothing. He thought about his morning as he walked and felt shame course through his veins that he'd run away from Blaine so fast without waiting to hear what he'd had to say. His expression had been so concerned yet so...kind and Kurt was sure he'd stomped that expression right off his face. _'It doesn't matter though. You're protecting yourself. You did the right thing.' _The more he thought about it, the more tears of anger, resentment, shame, guilt and annoyance tried to push out. He shoved them away because he knew they wouldn't help. Nothing helped; this was just how life was. He needed to keep everyone far away so as not to be hurt. _'Trying to push yourself hasn't helped anything. Just stick to your routine.'_ Kurt nodded to himself as he grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, _'It's not like I'm leaving the house again today anyway.'_

Once he had changed and was seated with a mug of tea on his couch again, Kurt grabbed his phone and dialed Rachel's number.

"**KURT ELIZABETH HUMMEL**!** WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN**?!** I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR ****_HOURS_**!" Rachel's screeching voice came down the line.

"I've been..." Kurt trailed off as Blaine's face came flooding back into his mind. He sniffled as a solitary tear made its way down his cheek.

Blaine. Who was gorgeous and caring and, apparently, gay and patient and helpful and kind and..._'If only stupid shitting James hadn't ruined EVERYTHING maybe I would be able to get to know Blaine for who he is and let him know me.'_

"Kurt?" Rachel's voice was much softer; she'd obviously heard his sniffle.

"I'm fine, Rach. Tell me what's going on with you. How'd your callback go?"

"Nope. I'm coming over and bringing lunch. Do you want 'I'm eating my emotions' or 'I need to fit in my Tony gown'?"

Kurt laughed despite himself, "Both?"

"Okay. See you soon; you'd better open the door for me. You remember what happened last time!" Rachel said through her own giggles as the line went dead.

Kurt sighed and put his phone on the coffee table. He didn't feel like having Rachel over but knew better than to fight her on it.

**XXXX**

Several hours and a ton of food later, Kurt wiped away the last of his tears with the hand that wasn't held captive in Rachel's grip. Talking about his past and his regrets with Blaine had taken its toll on Kurt. He had been exhausted from his morning of panic, but he was even more so now. He leaned his head on the back of the couch and looked at Rachel, his heart swelling with her constant support.

"Thanks, Rachel. I really appreciate you letting me talk everything out. I know most of it you've heard before but..." Kurt took a deep breath, shaking his head, "I just wish I could be past it finally. I just want to live a normal life."

Rachel smiled comfortingly and squeezed his hand, "I know you do. You're so strong though, Kurt. You're my number one diva and I'm sad to see you upset. I'm glad to hear you're trying to push yourself though. Maybe eventually it'll help. Just don't give up on this Blaine guy. At the very least he could be a good friend for you. Maybe more **_someday_**. You never know."

Kurt offered a weak smile, but decided he'd wallowed enough for one day. He sat up a little and squeezed Rachel's hand, "So, you never told me about your callback. How'd it go?"

Rachel's excited squeal left Kurt's ears ringing, "**I GOT IT**! The songs are **_amazing_**! And it's a brand new show so I'll be **_originating a Broadway role_**! Kurt. Do you know how **_amazing_** this is?! The story is so great, but those **_songs_**! My god. The songwriter is a genius! We get to meet her and the playwright during our table read with the director and stage manager tomorrow! I can't wait to tell her what a genius she is!"

Kurt smiled widely, his heart thumping wildly in excitement for his friend. She'd worked so hard just for a shot at an audition and now she's originating a starring role. Sure, she'd already won a Tony for her performance in Les Misérables, but this was **_originating_** a role; this was a whole new ballpark. Not to mention, this show was the one that the Broadway blogs had been screaming about for the past couple months. Not only was the story and music rumored to be incredible, but the showrunners had only been looking into big name talents to fill the spots, thus leaving Rachel the need to pull every string she had to get an audition.

"I'm so proud of you Rachel. I knew you could do it." Kurt leaned over and gave her a hug as she dissolved into her own tears of overwhelming feelings running through her.

* * *

Blaine handed over all three songs to Jared the next morning as he sat down across the desk from him. He rubbed a hand down his face, blinking hard twice, hoping not to fall asleep while sitting there. It had been a late night for Blaine. He wrote all three songs in the morning and afternoon after Kurt ran out of the diner in what seemed to be a state of panic. Blaine worried whether or not Kurt made it to work alright, but didn't have a number to reach him at. He also didn't want to seem like a stalker by showing up at Kurt's work again, so he stayed away. He couldn't help but feel guilty, like he'd caused Kurt's panic, and it kept him up for the better part of the night. As morning dawned, he realized he was getting himself in too deep, worrying about Kurt too much. He couldn't allow that. He came to the conclusion, as his eyes finally drifted closed for the two hours he had left to sleep, that he'd leave Kurt alone and not let him get any closer. Blaine needed to protect himself and not hurt Kurt anymore. It was better for the both of them if he just walked away quietly.

Jared finished looking over the songs and sat back with a smile on his face. "I think they'll be **_very_** happy with these, Blaine. Excellent job. You can look for your payment by the end of the week, once these are approved." Blaine nodded his acknowledgement, "Oh! Did you read the article I sent you last night?"

Blaine thought back to the night before when he'd checked his email. He'd seen one from Jared but didn't open it because it was a forwarded message so he'd figured it could wait. "No, I didn't get around to it."

Jared sighed, "Well, they **_finally_** finished casting 'Running From Nothing' yesterday with the final girl signing on to play Erika."

Blaine nodded, "Anyone I know?"

"Yeah, you know that Rachel Berry girl that won the Tony for Eponine last year?"

Blaine sat up, more awake in his surprise, "**_Her_**? That'll be...great! She's got a fucking great voice; I figured she'd already have booked something since her run in Les Mis just ended."

Jared shrugged, "Well, they got her. Of course, when they open you'll get your complimentary tickets. How many do you want?"

Blaine shrugged, "I guess two. I'll bring Cooper with me."

Jared nodded and wrote something down, probably the number of tickets, and sat back again. "So, let's talk about what's next, shall we?"

Blaine nodded, "Yeah, I've been writing some great stuff for my own album. I guess we need to look into studio time and a label that will sign me to distribute my album? Right?"

Jared sighed and shuffled some papers around his desk, "Yes, I supposed that **_could_** be a course of action. However-"

"No! Jared. We talked about this last time!" Blaine felt the anger growing inside of him at Jared's decision to ignore his wishes. "We decided those songs," Blaine said, jabbing his finger toward the folders he'd handed over earlier, "Would be the last ones I write for someone else. I **_need_** to do my own thing. Are you with me or not?"

"Blaine. Calm down, man. I'm just giving you options." Jared replied calmly. "I'm always on your side; I just want you to know all of your options before we make any decisions."

Blaine took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "Jared. I want to make my own album. Let myself be heard. If you tell me about my other 'options' then I'll just feel guilty, like I need to write for these fuckers who don't have two brain cells to write for themselves. I don't need this shit. Are you going to help me get my album going or not?"

Jared raised an eyebrow at him, "I'll help you. Let me just call these two and let them know you have no time or energy to help them even though they begged me to have you do it. I told them you were wanting to go in a different career direction, but they begged me to ask. I'll just let them know you don't care enough to help them out. Give me a minute and we can discuss your album ambitions."

Blaine's stomach turned and his heart felt like it was fraying. _'No. Not again. Don't let him do this to you. Focus on your own goals. Don't let yourself down again.'_

"Actually, I'll just call them later." Jared said as he began rolling up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, "Let's talk about **_you_**. What kind of music have you written that you want your name attached to?"

Blaine's brain couldn't focus on anything Jared was saying. The nagging in his heart, stomach and conscience pulled his focus. _'Jared tried to tell them but they begged for me. I can't really let them down like that, can I? They fucking __**begged**__. They must really need me. I need to focus on myself. I __**can't**__ focus on myself if I'm trying to write for them. Just stick to no.'_

"If I said yes to these clients, I need your word that you won't so much as bring up another client to me again. I **_have_** to focus on myself after this." Blaine said, resigned to his guilt.

Jared's smile could have lit up Times Square, "**_Absolutely_**. In the meantime we can book some gigs for you, begin to get your name out there. How does that sound?"

Blaine shrugged as he picked up his backpack and stood, "Sounds fine. No place too divey though; I refuse to play in shitholes when I **_know_** you have connections at better places."

Jared nodded in agreement, "Sure thing. Then we'll work on a quick sample album to send to labels so we can get you signed and get a real album in the works. Just you wait, Blaine. You'll be **_huge_** soon. I'll email you with the details about these last clients." Jared said with a questionable smile.

Blaine just nodded and walked out of the office, disappointment and shame running through his veins.

* * *

Kurt walked past the diner every day for the following week. He refused to actually enter the establishment. Fear of two things held him back; seeing Blaine and **_not_** seeing Blaine sitting inside. He'd promised Rachel he'd try, but he couldn't bring himself to **_actually_** go out of his way to see Blaine again.

On the Friday following the 'Blaine incident' as Kurt was turning the corner after his daily walk past the diner, he heard his name called out from across the street. He turned and smiled at Rachel as she wove at him.

"Hey Rach!" He yelled across the street, wondering why she didn't just cross already, until he saw the reason walking out of the market behind her.

Kurt sighed and debated running away as the duo made their way across the street.

"Well, well, if it isn't Lady Hummel! We were just coming to see you at your bachelor pad." Santana said as they approached him.

"Good to see you, Santana." He said, reaching to give both her and Rachel a quick hug. "I'm actually on my way to work. Sorry I can't talk for too long."

"That's alright, Kurt. We were coming to invite you out to get a drink with us tonight after my rehearsal." Rachel said with a bright smile.

Kurt looked at her with wide eyes. _'She knows I never go out and do stuff like that. Too many people. I can't. I won't. Something will happen. Somebody will notice me and something will happen. Or happen to them. I can't let that happen. Nope.'_

"Jesus, Hummel, calm your tits. We weren't even inviting you; we were **_telling_** you that you're coming out with us. Me and Brit are in town visiting for **_one_** weekend and you had better fucking come out with us. Got it?" Santana said with her arms folded across her chest.

Kurt could feel his hands beginning to shake and his heart rate skyrocket, but he found himself nodding nonetheless. He and Santana weren't ever really friends, but she stuck up for him when he needed it most and he was still sort of scared of being on her bad side.

"Oh Kurt! This is going to be **_amazing_**! I found this cute little bar down the street from our rehearsal studio and they apparently have live bands every Thursday through Saturday. You'll love it, I promise!"

Kurt nodded his acknowledgement, "Um, just text me the address and the time you want to meet there."

Santana snorted, "Like I'm letting you come alone. You won't show. Me and Brit will come get you at nine. Look hot. I refuse to be seen with someone in khakis." She said with a pointed glance at his work uniform, half of which was hidden under a sweater.

Kurt sighed, fully aware that he'd just signed onto a night that would most likely end in panic. Or embarrassment. Or both.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Thank you so much for all of the support of this story so far! I'm really pleased with how it's turning out. Please let me know what you thought! :) Y'all are amazing!**


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt glanced at his door as he paced passed it for what felt like the millionth time. He sighed and pulled out his phone from his pocket to check the time. Sure, Santana and Brittany were notorious for being late, he somehow figured they'd be on time for once due to their wanting to avoid the wrath of Rachel. His phone read 8:57 pm and his heart began racing and his stomach began to clench. He shook out his hands in an unsuccessful attempt to get the shakiness to stop.

Just as he turned to pace back again, there was a round of knocking which sounded suspiciously like the clapping pattern their elementary school teachers used to get the students' attention. Kurt shook his head and walked to the front door, smoothing down his shirt as he walked.

He opened the door only to get an armful of Brittany.

"**DOLPHIN**!" She screeched into his ear, "San said we were coming to get you, but I didn't believe her because I thought you were still out swimming with the other dolphins and that's why you couldn't come back to Lima to visit us."

Kurt pulled out of her embrace and immediately wrapped his arms around his torso, "Um, yeah Brit, I'm still not coming back to Lima, but you can come here anytime." He offered with a weak smile, looking into her confused eyes.

"But, why-"

"**_Please_** tell me **_that's_** not what you're wearing out tonight?" Santana interrupted from behind Brittany with a soft wink towards Kurt.

Kurt sighed in relief at the subject change, but the relief was short lived as he looked down at his outfit. "What do you mean?"

Santana rolled her eyes, "Okay Brit, go find something to drink and sit on Lady Hummel's couch while I go turn him into the pretty, pretty pony we once knew."

Before Kurt could respond, Santana had a firm grip on his arm and was steering him towards the small hallway that led to his bedroom. He was pushed inside his bedroom and the door was slammed behind them.

"How'd you-"

"Oh come on, Hummel. Your apartment is tiny as fuck, if we'd gone the other direction I'd be standing in your kitchen. Now, strip while I get you a hot ass outfit to wear." She stalked over to his closet and began shuffling through his clothes, a frown forming deeper and deeper on her face with every passing garment.

Kurt shifted in his spot, but made no move to undress. "Santana? I-I'm fine. This outfit is really-"

"Ugly, not showing what you got, **_comfortable_**, stupid, not Hummel-like? Yeah, I got that. In fact, none of your shit is Hummel-like anymore. What the fuck?" She turned to him with a much softer expression than her voice would have offered.

Kurt swallowed and looked to the ground, "I just...I don't **_want_** those types of clothes anymore. Look what happened when I used to wear them." He batted frustratedly at the single tear that managed to escape his eyes. "I can't get noticed. I can't get hurt. I can't let you or Rachel or Brittany get hurt."

He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to reign in his growing panic.

Santana walked across the room and placed a hand on his bicep, "Look, Kurt. I get it, okay? Remember, I was there before you left for this hellhole. You've got to move on at some point. I know it's easy for me to say, but start small. I'm sure you've got **_something_** to wear trapped in here somewhere?"

Kurt took a steadying breath, shrugged and walked to his closet; kneeling on the floor, he dug out a bag of clothes that he'd bought one afternoon out of admiration but hadn't brought himself to wear yet. He held the bag out to Santana, who silently looked through the options, a wicked grin forming across her face.

"Perfect, Hummel. Let's get you looking hot."

**XXXX**

"**KURT**! You look **_fabulous_**!" Rachel said, pulling him into a hug before greeting the girls.

Kurt looked around nervously to see if her outburst had caught any attention; luckily no one seemed to have noticed. He slowly sank onto a stool at the table Rachel had gotten them, still looking around, trying to catch hold of his surroundings.

"**_Dolphin_**!" Brittany bopped Kurt on the nose, causing him to yelp.

All three girls were looking at him expectantly. "Um, sorry, what?"

Brittany giggled, "I asked what you want to drink because Santana said she didn't know what you wanted. It's my responsibility to get the drinks because then I can dance to the bar and back. Santana says I can't dance on the table like last weekend."

Rachel stifled a giggle and Kurt's eyes widened in alarm. "Yeah, please don't. Just a water, thanks Brit."

"**_Bullshit_**, Hummel. Are you going to order something magically fruity or do I need to for you?" Santana said as she took her seat next to him.

Kurt sighed, "I don't drink, Santana."

"You are tonight." Santana said with thinning patience in her voice.

"Fine. I'll take a Cosmo." Kurt mumbled, shaking his head.

"Thatta boy, Hummel." Santana said, tapping his hand.

"Yeah, yeah. Rachel, how was rehearsal?" Kurt turned to her, seated on his other side.

"Oh, **_wonderful_**! I had an inspired discussion with Marsha, the songwriter, who came in to hear us sing today. She said that the songs 'just came to her one day'. I wish I had talent like that. Someday I will write, star and direct myself in a show. Just you-" Her ranting was cut off by her cell phone ringing just as the announcer came on stage to announce the first artist of the evening. "Sorry, I have to step out to take this. I'll be back in a minute!"

Rachel ran off and Kurt watched her push her way through the crowd, stopping once to sign an autograph for someone who recognized her. He sighed as he realized his time out with Rachel was limited if he wanted to stay unnoticed. He clapped along dutifully as the artist took the stage, he'd missed the artist's name, but it didn't matter to him.

It didn't matter, that is, until the artist spoke.

* * *

"Hi guys, my name's Blaine Anderson. This is my first gig, so be patient." Blaine chuckled as he swung his guitar from his back to his front and started plucking away at it, "I wrote all of the music I'll be sharing with you this evening. Before we start I want to thank the guys behind me, they're some old friends who are helping me out for the evening."

Blaine turned and smiled at his friends from college who'd readily agreed to back him for the show. They'd been anxious for him to make his break into the industry and had been wondering why it'd taken so long. Blaine nodded to Shane on the drums and the beat started up.

Blaine began playing for his life. Every lyric and note flowed out of him until he wasn't playing any longer, the music was just escaping him. His mind went blank and he lost himself to the music. He smiled as he finished his second to last song; he allowed his mind to come back to the present and looked out to the crowd that he could barely see through the stage lights. The cheers that erupted only made Blaine's smile widen.

Blaine scanned the crowd for a moment as he played the final notes. He eyed a couple of guys who he'd seek out after his set; he also internally chuckled at the ladies obviously sending him 'fuck me now' eyes. _'Never going to happen, ladies. Nice try.'_

His eyes found a face that was strikingly familiar, but Blaine knew better than for it to really be Kurt. If Blaine had learned anything about Kurt, it was that he didn't do social settings very well at all. The man seated next to the Latina who was fanning herself with one hand, her other wrapped around a giggling blonde, was wearing a skin tight white button up with the top three buttons undone, a black vest that hugged his torso perfectly and his hair was spiked into a hot mess. Blaine couldn't see what he was wearing on bottom due to the table blocking his view, but he had no doubt it would be just as perfect. Blaine swallowed as he met the man's eyes. _'Not Kurt. __**NOT**__ Kurt. Kurt wouldn't be caught dead in here, especially dressed like that. Not. Kurt.'_ The man's eyes were wide and a striking blue-green mix. Blaine noticed his hands fidgeting and the way he was biting his lip while taking extremely deep breaths. _'Kurt? No. I don't care because I won't let him hurt me. I obviously can't fuck him and let him go, so I'll just let him go. I won't let him win.'_

"Okay, I only have one more for you guys." The resounding moan of disappointment sent shockwaves through Blaine and he couldn't keep the smile off his face, "Uh, so usually artists like to go out with a high energy song, but I'm going to slow it down for you guys and hopefully the next artist can bring the energy back up. Enjoy."

Blaine lost himself in the song again, not allowing the fact that Kurt was in the audience get into his brain and nest there. He **_really_** needed to get Kurt out of his head. He'd definitely fuck one of the guys who were checking him out and that'll fix everything. It had been too long since his last fuck. That's it.

Blaine finished the song and smiled out to the crowd once more.

"Thanks everyone!" He said with a nod and a wave before making his way off stage.

**XXXX**

Blaine finished packing away his guitar and put it in the corner of the green room where his friends had left their instruments. They'd packed up quicker than Blaine and were probably already smooth talking waiting girls and drinking heavily.

Blaine took a minute to make sure all of his instruments were together and left a note listing which ones were to be picked up by Jared's assistant for him to pick up at the office the next day and which ones were to be left for his friends to take home with them.

He nodded to himself, stood and turned to exit the room just as Jared came bustling in.

"Ah! Blaine, perfect. I have someone important you **_have_** to meet." Jared said with a wide smile and a glint in his eye.

Blaine felt his heart speed up, "Important as in...?"

"As in interested in signing you to their label."

Blaine gasped in surprise, "Wait. **_Really_**? This soon?"

Blaine had known he was good. Great, even. Never in his wildest dreams had he hoped to be signed to a label from playing at a random bar during his first gig ever.

Jared nodded and clapped Blaine on the shoulder, "That's right. Now, remember that you don't have to go with him, it's simply an option."

Blaine nodded and walked next to Jared as they exited the room towards the main bar area. "What label is it?"

"Ambition Records."

Blaine's heart sunk to the floor and he stopped midstep. Ambition Records had been extremely public with their anti-gay campaigns and homophobic remarks. Blaine rolled his eyes as Jared turned to look at him with a bewildered expression when he felt Blaine's mood change.

"Are you **_fucking_** kidding me, Jared?"

"What?" Jared's arms spread in the classic bad actor confused pose.

"Is that they only label you invited tonight?"

Jared closed his arms across his chest and took a step towards Blaine, "You think I'm not doing my job? They're the only one who was willing to come to this shithole bar to listen to you. I **_told_** you, we need to make a demo CD and send it to them. Ambition Records wants you. Let's go talk to the representative and see how we feel about them."

Blaine felt his anger bubbling up inside of him, "**_No_**. I refuse to work with them. You fucking know I'm gay, why the **_fuck_** would you even **_think_** of inviting them?"

Jared shrugged, "I thought you wanted a label."

"Not them."

Jared sighed, "Fine, Blaine. Fine. I'll go talk to him."

Jared walked off without a look back, for once not trying to guilt Blaine into something. Blaine was thankful because he knew he'd feel awful for not signing if Jared pushed it, but he refused to work with a label like Ambition Records.

Blaine took a couple of deep breaths before making his way into the main bar area, pointedly ignoring Jared and the man he was talking to. Blaine made his way to the bar and ordered a beer. Just as he turned, beer in hand, to look for a possible fuck for the night he got slammed back against the bar from someone falling into him.

Just as Blaine was about to curse the person out for nearly spilling his beer, and probably causing bruising to his back, a scared, rushed voice stopped him.

* * *

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Blaine. I'm so sorry. My friend, its-she pushed me into you, I'm so sorry. She walked me over to say hi and get a drink because she sorta figured out that we know each other and oh my god she pushed me into you when I went to walk away because I really didn't want to bother you. I'm so sorry." Kurt rushed out looking to the ground, feeling the shakiness take over, his heart began to race and his breathing sped up to an all-time high.

"Sorry Lady Hummel, someone had to do it." Santana said from behind him.

"It's fine Kurt, thanks for saying hi." Blaine said in a tone that was very unlike the tone he'd used every other time they'd bumped into each other.

Kurt raised his gaze to meet Blaine's, what he saw made him take a step back. The cold, uncaring gaze that was sent his way made his blood run cold. _'Of course he doesn't care. You read far too into those other times you'd seen him. And the way he looked at you from the stage. You mean nothing to him. You should have known this. It's your own fault for putting yourself down this stupid cycle again.'_

"Yeah, okay. Bye." Kurt turned to run, but Santana's firm hold caught him.

"Calm your tits, Hummel. Brit will get us a drink while we wait for Queen Bee to grace us with her presence again."

Kurt tried taking a deep breath and ended up in a coughing fit. He was dragged back to their table and shoved into his stool. His vision was blurry and his entire body was shaking.

"Alright, Princess, deep breaths and focus on something you can see. Or count your fingers or some shit." Santana's voice broke through his swimming mind.

Kurt hastily grabbed one of his fingers, then another, and another. He counted both hands three times before he was calm enough to grasp his surroundings again. He looked up and saw Santana smiling at him while trying to calm a frantic looking Brittany.

"Welcome back, I see your Hunky Hobbit wasn't the pleaser we'd hoped. You sure that's the guy Rachel had been ranting about all day that you were trying to fuck?"

Kurt sputtered the sip of water he'd taken, "I'm not trying to, to, to do **_that_** with him. I thought maybe he'd be an okay friend to have. I guess I read him wrong. As usual."

Kurt looked across the bar and saw Blaine whispering in a guy's ear. The guy nodded eagerly and Blaine took his hand with a smirk on his face and walked towards the entrance of the bar without so much as a look in Kurt's direction.

_'I __**definitely**__ read him wrong.'_

* * *

As Blaine waited at the entrance to the bar for...'_Carl? Craig? Whatever.'_ ...to tell his friend he was leaving, he caught a glimpse of Kurt seated with his friends. His head just finished falling to his chest and his shoulders were shaking. The Latina girl who'd pushed Kurt into him reached and grabbed his hand. Kurt raised his gaze and his eyes were so...hurt. There were a few tears cascading down his cheeks, but he brushed them away quickly as he looked around as though to see if anyone had noticed. He looked to the blonde and laughed at something she said before shaking his head and saying something to cause the blonde to jump up and down in her seat. He said something else that caused the Latina to slap him upside the head; surprisingly, this smack was greeted with a half-smile after a few seconds of confusion had crossed his features. His shoulders relaxed and though he was still obviously nervous and looking around himself for possible dangers, he looked the most calm that Blaine had ever seen him.

_'Kurt's going to be okay. No need to think about him any longer. It's time to think about yourself.'_

"You ready?" Carl-Craig said beside Blaine.

Blaine turned to look at him, ignoring the slight pull in his stomach; he nodded, holding out his arm for Carl-Craig to take.

* * *

"Oh my god! Longest phone call, **EVER**!" Rachel said as she sat beside Kurt once again, "Plus I had to stop and take pictures and sign autographs for some people, and you know how much I love talking with my fans, so that took a while."

Santana rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Munchkin, you missed Sassy Unicorn's Hunky Hobbit up on stage."

Rachel's eyes widened to an almost comical size, "**_What_**?! Why didn't you tell us he's a musician Kurt?"

Kurt shrugged, "I didn't know. It doesn't matter though, I tried saying hi after his set a-"

"Thanks to me." Santana interjected.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "And he didn't want to talk to me. Then he left with some guy."

Kurt tried to ignore the sadness and embarrassment that pulled at him as he remembered what he saw of Blaine after his set. He'd shamed himself, but at least he knew where he stood with Blaine.

Rachel's hand gripped Kurt's, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, he was even eye fucking Hummel from the stage. Fucking tease."

"You know, Kurt, Lord Tubbington could send his mafia to burn down his hobbit village if you'd like." Brittany added in, causing Kurt his third smile since Blaine's departure.

"Thanks, Brit, but I'll just stay away from him."

"Kurt, don't you think you could at least try and stay **_friends_** with him? I mean, look how much progress you've made since meeting him. He could be your good luck charm!" Rachel said with a wave of her hand as though it had the magic cure-all.

Kurt shook his head slowly, pushing back his rising panic, "No, Rach. He doesn't want me around. It's okay. I started making progress before meeting him, I don't need him. I'll be fine."

"But-"

"Shut it, Berry. He's a grown ass man. If Fuck-Me-Now-Frodo doesn't want him, then Hummel shouldn't torture himself to try and get his ass. He's better than that." Santana interjected with an air of finality.

_'Am I, though?'_

"**_Fine_**. Let's talk about my adoring fans, then." Rachel said, carrying right into her story, ignoring how Kurt and Santana groaned, while Brittany danced in her chair, seemingly lost in the music of the band onstage.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Thanks to everyone for reading and sharing this story. I'm glad y'all are enjoying it! I'm updating early because the past couple updates have been late, so hopefully this makes it even? Let me know what you thought! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

As Blaine thrust into Carl-Craig, of whom he recently learned was really named Henry, he felt the last of the nagging in his stomach disappear as he brought himself closer and closer to ecstasy.

"Mmm...**_fuck_**, there, right **_there_**!" Henry shouted beneath Blaine as he reached for his erection and began stroking himself.

Blaine fucked in with a renewed vigor, chasing his release as Henry came. The tightening around Blaine nearly did him in, he held out for several more thrusts, causing Henry to whimper as oversensitivity took over. Finally, Blaine got his release; his whole body gave out on him and he collapsed on top of Henry.

"Fuck you're good." Henry moaned as soon as Blaine started pulling out.

"Right back at ya," Blaine lied with a wink.

It had been a couple of weeks since Blaine had gotten laid, ever since that fateful day when he met Kurt. This guy was horrible in bed, but he served the purpose. Blaine felt great as he wrapped up the condom and threw it out before stepping back into his clothes. He hadn't felt this good since meeting Kurt.

_'Kurt.'_ The other man's face drifted through Blaine's mind as he searched for his shirt. The nagging feeling came back to Blaine's stomach. _'I gotta eat something, that's all. I haven't eaten since lunch. A little one in the morning snack never hurt anyone.'_

"You're not going to stay?" Henry asked as he pulled the sheet over himself.

Blaine sighed, "No. It was nice meeting you."

With that, Blaine walked out of the apartment and towards the subway station, hoping to make it home quickly so he could fall asleep and get the hurt look that had crossed Kurt's features out of his mind.

**XXXX**

Blaine woke the following morning with mixed feelings. _'This is not going to be a good day. Fuck.'_

After a long shower, filled with an internal argument of the merit of going to the café again, Blaine made himself some coffee and sat down in his office with a notebook opened in front of him. It was his work notebook filled with the specifics of the two artists he had to write for. One was supposedly 'the next big thing' in the pop world and the other was a well-established rock artist who needed his next angst riddled song.

Blaine closed his eyes and tried to focus on one of the emotions filling his body. He sighed as he caught hold of the nagging filling his stomach and the hollow feeling in his chest. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He grabbed his blank music sheets and began writing the melody that was thrumming through his body. The lyrics came just as quickly.

By the end of the song, Blaine was crying and on the edge of panic. He set his pencil down and looked over the words and notes sprawled in front of him. It was perfect for the rocker, filled with so much guilt and angst with a dash of helplessness. Blaine nodded as he transferred the music over to a much cleaner copy of fresh music sheets to turn in to Jared.

As soon as he was done, Blaine knew he had to write the pop singer's music immediately, if only to rid himself of the horrible feelings circling in his chest and mind.

He closed his eyes and pushed past the negativity to find the other emotion that had been clogging his brain all morning. As soon as he located it, his body began to relax. Everything in him slunk down into a pile of happy goo. He felt happiness, comfort, curiosity, hope and something very peculiar that he hadn't felt in **_years_**. If he didn't know any better, he would have labelled it as love. It was impossible though as there was no one in Blaine's life that he loved; at least, not in **_that_** way.

He didn't fight it, though and began working on the song. By the end, he had a dopey grin on his face, all previous negative feelings lost to the wind. If the girl picked it up, this song would be the song of the summer.

Blaine sat back and looked at his two extremely contrasting pieces sitting before him. He'd written them both within a few hours. He couldn't make sense of how such polar opposite emotions were running through him, especially when he couldn't figure out the cause for a single one of them.

He chose not to dwell on it and packed up his pieces in their file protectors to bring to Jared later in the afternoon. He'd also need to talk with Jared about the whole 'Ambitions Records' debacle. He needed to make sure something like that **_never_** happened again.

* * *

_Kurt walked hand-in-hand with James towards the exit of Breadstix. James shot him a bright smile and leaned to kiss him on the cheek. Kurt blushed but allowed it, ignoring the glare of the elderly couple seated in the booth they passed._

_ They smiled at the hostess who offered them a breath mint as their departure gift. They both took one and pocketed their prizes._

_ As they stepped out into the warm June evening, Kurt felt James tug on his hand. He looked over and saw him nod towards the street where they could walk to the park a block away. Kurt agreed, if only to extend the night a little longer. It was his first date and with the most unlikely of people at that._

_ They made it to the park and walked to the center of the field. James turned to Kurt and wrapped his arms around his waist. The warmth of the sturdy body was even more welcoming than the warmth of the air around them. James met Kurt's eye and darted his tongue out to wet his lips. Kurt's eyes widened at the realization of what was about to happen. His heartbeat sped a little in anticipation._

_ James leaned forward and captured Kurt's lips in a soft kiss. He pulled back and looked Kurt in the eye._

_ "You're truly amazing, Kurt. Never hide from anyone. Let yourself shine. You were meant to be noticed. Thank you for showing me how truly amazing you are."_

_ He leaned forward again and captured Kurt's lips. Kurt kissed back eagerly, melting into James' embrace._

_ After several minutes, they pulled apart. James stepped back and captured Kurt's hand in his own once more. They walked a little further into the park and Kurt had a feeling that they were being watched. He looked around and caught sight of a group of people walking towards them._

_ As they got closer, one of them yelled out._

_ "Look here boys, James actually pulled through." Karofsky's unmistakable voice rattled out._

_ "Go away David." Kurt said as he stepped closer to James' side._

_ James had protected him thus far; he would surely protect him again. Karofsky's words obviously didn't hit home._

_ "Actually bitch, we were invited here by your little boy toy."_

_ Kurt looked to James, who was staring at him with a smirk beginning to form across his lips; those soft lips that had been kissing him not five minutes prior._

_ "Wh-what?"_

_ Kurt tried to pull his hand from James' grip, but James only held on tighter as he swung back with his right arm before slinging it forward to connect with Kurt's-_

Kurt woke with a start, drenched in sweat and shaking. He closed his eyes and focused on calming his breathing. Once his breathing had calmed somewhat, Kurt opened his eyes and looked around. He was in his bed in New York. He was safe. His clock read 4:18 am, but he knew he wouldn't catch any more sleep.

The dreamt memory of the last night he'd truly let his guard down rattled him to his core. He hadn't dreamt of it in years, not since he moved to New York; not since escaping the town filled with memories and ghosts and those who knew what happened that shot him either looks of disgust or sympathetic words.

Kurt tried to think of why the dream had come back. Immediately the face of Blaine popped into his mind. The polar difference between the Blaine he'd met and the Blaine at the bar the night before was striking. The Blaine he'd met was someone Kurt could easily imagine getting past his barriers. He'd already had gotten a foot in if Kurt was honest with himself and it scared the shit out of him. The Blaine at the bar was someone that Kurt knew to stay far away from; he was someone not to be trusted. The Blaine at the bar was part of the Blaine he'd met, obviously, or else he wouldn't have acted that way.

Disappointment filled Kurt as the realization that he'd been **_so_** wrong about someone again filled him. He'd realized it upon watching Blaine walk out with another man, smirk and all, but there had still been hope that he'd be able to convince himself otherwise. Unfortunately, that hope was in vain.

Kurt got out of bed and put on his robe, walking to the kitchen to make a mug of warm milk.

As he waited for the milk to warm, Kurt made a renewed vow to himself not to let Blaine anywhere near him. He was just a newer, prettier version of James. Kurt was going back to his ways of being unnoticed and never letting anyone see who he truly was. He wouldn't let himself get beaten down again, physically or figuratively.

* * *

Blaine sat in his usual booth at the diner staring out the window. His untouched notebook laid open in front of him and his long empty coffee mug was twirling in his hands.

For some reason, Blaine couldn't get his mind to focus. The past month since his first gig had been brutal. He played shows every weekend and recorded a demo CD but had yet to hear back about it; not surprising considering it had only been out to the labels a week, but it was still unnerving. What bothered Blaine the most was that his brain couldn't focus on...anything, really. He couldn't figure out why, but he needed to quickly because he had a client that needed a song by the end of the week.

"He hasn't been back." Lily said as she wrestled Blaine's mug out of his grasp to refill.

Blaine looked to her in confusion, "Huh?"

"The guy you kept shooting heart-eyes at. Kent or something, right? He hasn't been back since that day. You must have really scared him off. He ran out like a bat outta hell and hasn't been back since."

Blaine's heart thudded in his chest for some inexplicable reason, "You mean Kurt?"

Lily's eyes lit up, "**_Yes_**! That's him! What'd you do to him anyway?"

Blaine shook his head, "I didn't d-"

His sentence was cut off by his phone ringing from his pocket. He groaned as the tune of 'Report To The Floor' blared loud for all to hear. He'd forgotten to silence his phone that morning and apparently Cooper had decided to change his ringtone **_again_** on his last visit. Lily laughed and walked away to fill his mug.

"Did you **_seriously_** choose 'Report To The Floor' as your ringtone? I thought I talked to you about this, Coop. You don't get a special ringtone, just the generic one with everyone else."

"Hello to you too, Squirt."

"Don't call me that." Blaine mumbled.

"It took you **_this_** long to notice that?"

"My phone's usually on silent."

"Ah, well, it was between that or 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy', but I figured this was more of an awesome gay anthem of how only sexy people are allowed to party and since **_I'm_** sexy it was an easy choice. If you're a hater, hater, hater, hater please go home."

Blaine rolled his eyes at Cooper's reference to the song and the slightly offensive reason as to why he chose it, "Yeah but you aren't gay."

"You are, though, and it's your phone. Like I said, perfect."

"Is there a point to this call?" Blaine snapped, ignoring Lily's shocked eyes as she set down his fresh coffee. She'd never seen him snap at anyone before, only exhausted after fights or in early mornings.

"Blainey, that's no way to talk to your brother." Cooper chided jokingly on the other side of the call.

"I'm hanging up."

"**NO NO NO**! Wait!"

"**_What_**?" Blaine snapped.

"I was going to invite you to my premiere in New York next weekend, maybe spend the day together before I head out to London, but not if you're going to have an attitude like that."

Blaine sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand, "Look, Coop. I'm sorry. I'm just...I don't know. I've been in a rut recently and I can't figure out why."

"Boy troubles?"

Blaine snorted. It didn't matter that he was a 28 year old man, Cooper would always refer to his relationship woes as '**_boy_** troubles'.

"No Coop. Still no one to speak of."

Cooper sighed, "You've got to move on at some point. Let someone in, Squirt. You're a good guy, let someone be good for you."

"I let someone be good for me every weekend after my shows, thank you very much." Blaine retorted.

Cooper snorted, "Not what I meant."

Blaine sighed, "I know, Coop."

"So **_really,_** no one has caught your eye?"

Kurt's face immediately popped into Blaine's mind. _'It's because Lily brought him up. Plus you were a dick to him. You fucked up. He could have been good for you and you fucked it up.'_

"Squirt?"

Blaine cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, "Really, Coop. By the way, I'd love to go to your premiere if I'm still invited?"

They settled into an easy conversation after that, making plans for Cooper's arrival the following weekend and talking about all of Blaine's new work adventures, including Cooper's disapproval that he'd caved again and was still writing for clients when he could be using those songs for his own gold. They talked for nearly an hour before Cooper had to go to hair and makeup. When they hung up, Blaine had a smile on his face. As much as Cooper drove him nuts, he was still an amazing brother.

Blaine turned his attention to his notebook where he'd been doodling throughout his conversation and saw only one word, which was written so hard and dark it bled into the following page. Clearly he'd been going over it several times as he spoke. The single word, Kurt, stared up at him.

Why did this guy get into his heart so easily? Blaine sighed as realization hit him. He could picture himself getting close with Kurt, fully letting him into his heart, allowing him to know Blaine and love him back. He could be the one to break all of Blaine's rules and protective barriers.

He'd fucked up his chances at his first gig when Kurt literally bumped into him. He'd ignored the pull in his stomach and heart that night and shut himself down. He pushed Kurt away, but there had to be a way to fix it. There had to be.

Was it worth it, though?

The answer screamed in his mind, _'YES!'_

* * *

Kurt gathered his bag from his locker and snapped it shut. He trained his eyes on the ground and walked briskly towards the front entrance of the store. He stopped to get his schedule for the following week from Seth before heading out the front door.

He turned in the direction needed to head home when a hand gently touched his shoulder. He jumped back and turned around, arms up in defense. His eyes met honey-hazel and immediately Kurt dropped his arms, but his body was still stiff in defense mode. He took a step back so his back was against the wall of the store, protecting himself from others around him.

"Kurt? I'm sorry, I tried calling out to you but...well you didn't respond."

Kurt took a deep breath, "I-it's fine, Blaine. I didn't hear you."

Blaine smiled softly, "Well, I just...I wanted to apologize for how I treated you at the bar. It wasn't very nice and you're a good guy and you didn't deserve that."

Kurt nodded, "Thanks. But...it was over a month ago. I'm fine."

"Okay. I just wanted you to know..." Blaine trailed off, biting his lip and looking at Kurt as though he wasn't sure whether or not to say more.

"What is it?" Kurt asked, his curiosity beating out the voice ringing in his head to walk away.

Blaine sighed, "I have these...barriers. I haven't had the best life and I built up walls to protect myself in any and every aspect I can, especially when it comes to social or...romantic interests."

Kurt's eyes widened at the word 'romantic', "Uh, Blaine, okay, I have to-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Blaine's voice was desperate and his hand was reached out towards Kurt's arm, but not touching, as though he realized touching Kurt would only make him run away quicker, "I meant-**_fuck_**- I meant that I really enjoyed the little time we spent together. I'm **_so_** sorry for what I did at the bar. It was uncalled for. I guess my inner demons were screaming at me to push you away quickly before I allowed you to get close to me. Kurt, I'd really like to start over, get to know you. Be **_friends_**. If...if something more comes of it, so be it, but...I'd really just like to know you. And...and let you know me."

Kurt felt his hands beginning to shake and his heartbeat speeding slightly, "Blaine...I don't know. I have," Kurt swallowed as the image of James ripped across his mind, "I have my own...d-demons. There's a reason I don't...I just can't, Blaine. I'm sorry." He choked on the last word as disappointment flashed on Blaine's face.

Blaine nodded, "Okay, how about this? I'll wait for you. I'll wait until you're ready to be friends. If that's never, well, it's never. I hope not though. I'll be here if you ever change your mind. I'm usually in the diner; you know the one we sat in before?" Kurt nodded, "Okay, I wasn't kidding before when I said I go there often; almost every day, in fact. So...I would offer my phone number but that might be too much, so just know I'm usually in the diner every morning."

Kurt took a deep breath, "I thought you only went for 'you time'?"

Kurt's eyes widened at his statement. He definitely hadn't meant to say that out loud. _'You sound like a creepy stalker who hangs on his every word. He doesn't know you have an excellent memory. He's going to call the cops and have you arrested. He's going to-'_

Blaine's chuckle broke through Kurt's thoughts, "You remembered? Yeah, well I need 'me time' every day. Well, except when I get called in for a meeting or something." Blaine shrugged, "Maybe I'll see you there sometime."

Blaine smiled once more at Kurt and Kurt felt his insides churn as the combination of fear and happiness spread within. He feared how easily Blaine made him relax and forget his promises to himself, but he couldn't help the happiness when Blaine directed a smile at him. It was all so **_damn _**confusing.

"Maybe." Kurt said before turning on his heel and walking away as fast as he could, not caring that he shouldered about twenty people before making it to his subway station.

As Kurt stood, holding the handrail on the subway, he felt his heart lighten at the memory of the conversation he'd just had with Blaine. Maybe he hadn't been **_all_** wrong about Blaine. He wouldn't know until he got to know him. Kurt tried to stomp down the hope and happiness that began to bubble within his chest. He couldn't afford such feelings. Even if those feelings really did feel amazing.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Special update this week because...I'M ON AO3! Wahoo! I wanted to update special just to celebrate. :) So...we got a little bit of a look into Kurt's past, and an appearance by Cooper! YAY! I'm hoping to update again next week as scheduled but maybe not because things are a bit hectic for me. We shall see. Let me know what you thought, yeah? Special thanks to everyone who's following/favorited/reviewing! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh **_please_** Kurt! He could be good for you! I mean he's even gotten you to **_consider_** making a new friend in him. And he's **_so_** good looking from that awful photo Santana showed me from that night at the bar! I can't even imagine how he must look in the flesh! But seriously, what could one measly coffee do? If he turns out to be the asshole from the bar then at least you know, but if he's the sweetheart from before..." Rachel trailed off suggestively; Kurt could practically hear her eyebrows shrugging at him through the phone.

Kurt sighed, "I just...what if he **_is_** the asshole? I can't go through that again. I've already been disappointed with him and I'm already nervous enough with how easily I slip into...**_me_** with him."

"So take it slow. Meet for coffee and steer the conversation to him and his life."

"Yeah but that's the problem, from what it sounds like he's as reluctant as me to show off his personal side."

"Then it'll be a quiet coffee. Just **_go_** Kurt. If he took the step to admit he's as...reserved as you, I have a feeling he's not going to be the asshole."

Kurt wiped a hand over his face, "And if he is?"

"He won't be."

"But if he is?"

Rachel sighed, "I'll have tons of take-out and chocolate at the ready."

Kurt bit his lip and tried to calm his racing heart as he made his decision, "Fine." He held the phone away from his ear as Rachel squealed, "I'll go on Monday. Fresh week, fresh start."

"I expect a full report!"

"I wouldn't expect anything less of you." Kurt sighed and sat back into his couch, "What have you got planned for the weekend? Do you want to come over tomorrow night and watch a movie or something?"

Rachel hummed as she rustled papers around, Kurt presumed she was looking through her planner that she always kept on her with her busy schedule penned inside, "Oh, I can't, Richard wants me to go to some film premiere to promote the musical and 'keep my face fresh in people's minds'."

Kurt laughed as she imitated Richard, her manager, spot on, "Ah, well that sounds...fun?"

Rachel laughed, "It should be alright. It's the new Cooper Anderson film. He's **_so_** gorgeous! Apparently he's coming to the premiere!"

"Well I should hope so. New York premieres are as big as the LA ones, right?"

Rachel hummed the affirmative, "**OH MY GOD**! You should come as my date! Oh **_Kurt_** it's just like we used to dream about! Only...you're not designing my dress, but **_please_**!"

Kurt sat up abruptly in his seat, "No, Rachel. I already promised to come to your show and the VIP after party, that'll be enough crowd and celebrity interaction for me, thank you very much."

"**_Kuuuurt_**!" Rachel whined.

Kurt felt his chest tightening at the thought of all of the people that would be surrounding the premiere, as well as Rachel's show, his breathing was coming in short and his hands began shaking.

"Rach-"

"Breathe, Kurt. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset. I just really wanted you to be my date so I wouldn't have to go stag. I get it though. I'm sorry, sweetie."

Kurt closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Once he'd calmed down he mentally patted himself on the back for not falling all the way into panic mode.

"It's fine Rachel. I'm sorry I freaked, I just got thinking about the crowds and-"

"Say no more. I'm sorry I brought it up, I just love you and wanted to have a date night with my best gay."

Kurt chuckled, "Well, we will just have to have a different date night that isn't surrounded by hundreds of people."

"Even if one of those people is the sexiest man alive." Rachel sighed dreamily into the phone.

"Hmm, third sexiest if I remember right." Kurt countered, laughing outright as Rachel began her tangent at how 'Cooper Anderson is **_way_** hotter than any of those other guys; the **_outrage_**!' It was a familiar tangent and Kurt was glad to let her own it.

He let his mind drift to a still scary, though less than the thought of hundreds of people screaming around him, topic. He thought of what he could possibly say to Blaine when he went to the diner on Monday.

* * *

"Oh come on Blainey! I could get you **_so much_** publicity! This is going to be **_awesome_**!" Cooper babbled from his seat next to Blaine in the limousine.

"Fuck off," Blaine mumbled as he pushed his brother's finger out of his face and shook his head, "For the last time, Coop, I'm **_not_** interviewing with you! And you're not to say **_anything_** about me, got it?"

"Why not?!" Cooper demanded with a frown, "Can't I be proud of my baby brother?"

"Yes, but not publicly," Blaine sighed, "I'm a **_ghost writer_**, meaning I can never have any credit. And I don't want you pushing my music either; I don't need to sell to millions of screaming teenage girls who only come to my shows hoping to catch a glimpse of **_you_**."

Cooper slapped Blaine's arm, earning another glare from Blaine, "Come on, Squirt, you know I have the housewife market also clawing to get a piece of me!"

Blaine rolled his eyes, "**_No_** Coop. I'm just here to spend some time with you because I miss you, not to publicize myself."

"Whatever you say, Squirt." Cooper said with a glint in his eye that Blaine didn't trust.

"Don't call me that," Blaine mumbled as the car came to a stop.

The door opened and Cooper shot Blaine a wink before stepping out to a swell of screams. Blaine rolled his eyes again and stepped out behind his brother, walking next to Cooper's publicist, Nancy, as they walked to get Cooper's picture taken by the photographers lining the red carpet.

Blaine couldn't help but smile as Cooper joked with the photographers and smiled his winning grin for the cameras. He was proud of all that Cooper had accomplished, even if he had a big head about it. As Cooper stepped over to give the next set of photographers a good shot, a body slammed into Blaine.

"**_Oomph_**, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" A woman's voice said as a small hand wrapped around Blaine's forearm.

Blaine turned and was shocked to be nose to nose with Rachel Berry. She was playing the lead in the musical he'd ghost wrote for and he'd been looking forward to her bringing it to life, she was very talented.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. You?"

Rachel seemed to study him for a moment and Blaine had to hold back from rolling his eyes, _'Not your team, honey.'_ Her eyes widened a bit and her grip on his arm tightened a bit. She looked as though she were about to jump up and down in excitement as some sort of realization came over her face.

"I'm fine. My name's Rachel, by the way." She let go of his arm to reach her hand out for him to shake.

Blaine's gentlemanly manners came into play as he shook her hand, "I'm Blaine."

A small gasp escaped her lips and she opened her mouth to say something more as Nancy pulled on Blaine's bicep on his opposite side.

"Cooper's ready for us to move. Gotta go do interviews." She said in her rushed, formal voice that was used for events. In real life she was really fun but at events she was the most professional person in a room if she has anything to say about it.

Blaine nodded, "Right, well it was nice to meet you Rachel."

She closed her mouth and shot him a small smile, "You too Blaine, enjoy your evening."

Blaine couldn't shake the feeling that Rachel somehow **_knew_** him. He shook his head as they headed toward where Cooper was talking with an interviewer. Blaine rolled his eyes as he caught the interviewer's question of who was accompanying Cooper, obviously fishing for some juicy gossip of which 'leading lady' had caught Cooper's eye.

"My baby brother! He's a musician, you know! He's..." Cooper turned around in search of Blaine, their eyes met and Blaine shot him a glare **_daring_** him to point him out, "Right there! Hi Blainey!" Cooper exclaimed with a large wave.

Blaine groaned but waved back with a polite smile on his features, his mind already searching for ways to get back at his brother.

* * *

"Yeah, dad, I'm really sorry I couldn't make it out for your birthday. Maybe if you and Carole want to come out here you can see Rachel in her show. I'm sure Rach can score some tickets for you guys."

Burt sighed, "I know kid-**_beep_** I just really wan-**_beep_** to see you."

"Uh, huh, sorry dad, hang on someone's calling in." Kurt flicked his phone looked at his caller id, seeing Rachel's name he ignored it, knowing she's at the premiere and probably just wants to gush that she got to meet Cooper Anderson or something. "Sorry it was just Rachel. I wanted to see you too, but I just...my work schedule has been hectic."

Burt sighed into the phone again, "Yeah and th-**_beep_**-ct that this pla-**_beep_** doesn't," _'For God's sake Rachel! Give it up!'_ "hold **_beep_** best memories, ri-**_beep_**."

Kurt bit his lip, "Yeah, but I love you and want to see you and Carole. You guys should come visit soon."

"Yeah may-**_beep_**," Burt replied.

"Okay, dad. I gotta go, Rachel keeps calling in, but let's talk about this again soon." Kurt said, feeling the sadness that always comes when he has to end the conversation with his father.

"Okay kiddo. Love you."

Kurt smiled, "Love you too. Bye."

Kurt hung up and his phone immediately began ringing again, "For fucks sake Rachel! Calm down! I was on the phone with my dad."

"Oh my god, sorry but this is **_so _**worth it!" Rachel's not-so-hushed excited voice rang out, obviously trying to be sneaky but Kurt had a feeling that she was failing miserably.

"Hmm, let me guess, you **_finally_** met Cooper Anderson?"

"Well...that too. But guess who's here!"

"More important than the third sexiest man alive?" Kurt teased.

"Kurt. This is no time for games! I only have a few minutes before the film starts and I have to be in my seat, which I will have you know is only-"

"Didn't you say you're pushed for time?" Kurt interrupted with a smile, knowing Rachel was giving him the look that she always gave when he interrupted her.

"Blaine."

Confusion pulled within Kurt, "Blaine? Like...the guy I'm supposed to try and be friends with?"

Rachel hummed the affirmative, "And guess who he's here with!"

"Who?"

"The. Cooper. Anderson!" Rachel squealed out loud.

Kurt sat up, his brows furrowing on his forehead as he tried to make sense of what Rachel was saying, "You mean Cooper Anderson's gay?"

"I have no idea. Maybe. He's never confirmed either way."

Kurt began chewing on his lip at the thought of Blaine spending a fabulous evening amongst movie stars before heading out to have coffee with measly old Kurt in the morning. His heart dropped at the realization that Blaine could potentially be...**_seeing_** Cooper Anderson. He couldn't understand why he felt such a strong reaction, it didn't matter what Blaine did. He was an adult and was welcome to sleep with whoever he wanted.

"Oh."

"Did you watch the livestream link for the red carpet interviews I sent you?! Maybe he said something about his **_date_**! Plus you could see **_my_** interview, of course!" Rachel said and Kurt could practically hear her shaking in anticipation of whatever gossip Kurt could give her.

Kurt grimaced guiltily, "Uh, no. I was talking to my dad."

_'No need to tell her that __**I**__ called __**him**__.'_

"Oh, well, fine. But they're **_adorable_**! Plus now you can both talk about how hot he is when you get coffee tomorrow! Oh and you won't have to worry about him making a pass at you! Everything's coming together perfectly Kurt! I have to go, but **_oh my god_**!" Rachel squealed once again as she hung up the phone.

Kurt tried to stomp down the feelings gripping his insides. He would **_almost_** pinpoint them as jealousy, but he really had nothing to be jealous about. Blaine wasn't ever going to be more than a friend; Kurt could barely handle **_that_** level of commitment. He certainly wasn't going to sleep with Blaine, he was still a virgin and Blaine already had a track record that Kurt knew about, let alone one that he didn't know about, Kurt would only be a letdown. No, Kurt had nothing to be jealous over, he simply felt awkward knowing that he'd be going to coffee in the morning knowing Blaine had sex the night before. He'd get over it. He'd had 26 years of awkward days; he could get through another one.

* * *

Blaine jumped as Lily slammed his coffee mug down on the table the next morning.

"Why is it that I find out through a **_livestream_** that your brother is Cooper 'Sexgod' Anderson?!" She demanded.

Blaine bit his lip to hide his laughter, "Um, because my brother is not a sex god?"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and shot him a glare, "I saw you Blaine. Don't try and play it off. You were at the premiere last night with **_Cooper Anderson_**!"

Blaine laughed, "Ah, yes, my brother is Cooper Anderson, but he is certainly no sex god. He's just an actor by profession, but my brother more than anything. I didn't think it was important." He shrugged.

Lily gaped at him as the bell over the door rang again, "You didn't think it was important to tell me that the third sexiest man alive is-"

A throat cleared behind Lily and Blaine saw a familiar head of hair, "Kurt?" He had to resist shooting up out of his seat to greet the man.

"H-hi Blaine. Do you mind if I sit here?" Kurt asked shyly.

Lily spun around, "Oh, hello there! I remember you! Can I get you some coffee?"

Kurt nodded and offered a small smile to her as he set his messenger bag down on the bench opposite of Blaine. As Lily turned her back on Kurt to head to the coffee station she gave Blaine a thumbs up and a wink; he had to resist rolling his eyes.

"Hey, I, uh, I'm glad to see you." Blaine said, looking into Kurt's tired and nervous eyes.

"Y-yeah, I thought maybe I'd grab some coffee out today and, well, here I am. If that's okay?" Kurt shifted in his seat, looking down to the table in front of him.

"Of course."

The duo was silent as Lily set down a mug of fresh coffee in front of Kurt. After a few minutes Kurt looked up to meet Blaine's gaze again. He looked like he wanted to bolt but was trying to push it down. Blaine decided to speak up and make conversation; that **_is_** how friendships are started after all.

"So, how was your weekend?"

Kurt took a sip of his coffee, "Um, fine. I just sort of hung out at home. I talked a lot with my dad and a friend on the phone. I, um, got the n-new Lady Gaga album so I listened to that."

Blaine mentally fist pumped at getting some sort of personal information out of Kurt. _'He likes Gaga. Perfect! File it away!'_ "That's awesome; I've heard the album is really good. I'm more of a Katy Perry fan, myself. I miss her."

Kurt nodded, "I liked her as well. I wonder why she stopped making music."

Blaine shrugged and they fell into silence once more. It was almost painfully awkward, but finally Kurt spoke up again.

"How was **_your_** weekend?"

"Great, actually, thanks. I had a gig on Saturday and I went to a film premiere yesterday." Kurt seemed to shrink in on himself at the mention of the premiere, "Are you okay?"

Kurt's eyes widened, "Uh, yeah. Totally. How was the film? What was it for?"

"It's called 'Love's Last Shot', my brother is in it so he invited me to the premiere while he was in town. We don't get to see each other a lot. It was alright, but it was **_definitely_** awkward to watch my brother try and have sex on a big screen; albeit **_movie sex_**,but still. It was good though if you're into ridiculously romantic type films." Blaine shrugged.

Kurt nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought, "Who's your brother?"

Blaine laughed a little, _'Apparently not __**everyone**__ watches when Cooper Anderson is involved. I think Kurt is my new favorite person.'_ "Cooper Anderson? He's-"

"The third sexiest man alive. Oh believe me, I know." Kurt said, but Blaine got the feeling it wasn't because **_he_** thought Cooper was sexy.

"Oh yeah?" Blaine prompted curiously.

Kurt snorted, "My best friend is like obsessed with him. She has a tangent strictly dedicated to how he should have been **_the_** sexiest man alive."

Blaine laughed, "And what do **_you_** think?" The question slipped out before Blaine realized what he'd said. He immediately regretted it for two reasons; he feared Kurt agreeing with his friend and he feared he'd crossed the invisible line of sharing.

Kurt silenced immediately causing Blaine to panic even more. He watched as Kurt took several deep breaths.

"Kurt, I'm sorry I didn't mean to presume an-"

"Not my type. And it's okay, you're right." The near silent answer came, cutting off Blaine's apology.

Blaine nodded his understanding, "Well, speaking of movies, have you seen any good ones recently? I've been in a film rut and could go for some **_good_** entertainment."

* * *

Kurt slowly made his way to the diner on Wednesday morning. His morning on Monday with Blaine had gone well, all things considered. They talked about some films they both enjoyed as well as some more of their favorite music choices. Blaine talked a bit about his brother and the fact that Blaine always laughed when he heard his brother described as 'sexy', whereas he knew that if anyone knew the **_real_** Cooper Anderson they might not find him as sexy. Not that anything was wrong with him; he simply wasn't as perfect as people thought. Kurt didn't share about his family when Blaine asked whether or not Kurt had siblings, he'd simply asked about Blaine's aspirations as a musician. He wasn't ready to talk about that sort of thing with Blaine yet, or ever.

Kurt didn't return on Tuesday because he was downright afraid of talking more with Blaine. He was scared about how wonderful he felt when he walked away; he was mostly scared that it wouldn't last. Upon waking on Wednesday, he knew he should try again. Blaine had been nothing but sweet their whole time together and while Kurt was scared, he really did enjoy their time together. It was time to take the next step towards friendship.

**XXXX**

Kurt couldn't keep the grin off his face as Blaine spoke about his old high school friends. They'd been happy to realize that they both grew up in Ohio and probably competed against each other in show choir tournaments. Blaine was two years older than Kurt, but they had probably competed for a couple years. Kurt had been reluctant to divulge such information, but he was certainly glad he did. Their commonalities only made Kurt feel more comfortable, and for once he wasn't all that scared of his comfort.

Kurt checked his phone for the time and sighed when he realized he needed to head to work. His heart began to speed up and he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves.

"Um, I need to get going. Work."

Blaine's smile faded slightly as he nodded, "Okay, well, I hope to see you again soon, Kurt."

Kurt fingered his phone and nodded, "Well, um, maybe we could exchange numbers? Just to...talk. I mean we don't have to if you-"

He was cut off as an iPhone was slid into his hand that was flailing around nervously. Kurt bit his lip and slid his own phone across the table before typing his number into Blaine's contact list. He'd considered putting his whole name, but didn't want to hand out his last name yet. It was too much too soon for Kurt to divulge. They exchanged again, earning their own phones back, before Kurt stood.

"I'll, uh, I'll see you around."

"I'll talk to you soon." Blaine said and Kurt tried to ignore his heart as he nearly ran for the subway station.

**XXXX**

Two days later Kurt's phone dinged on his bathroom counter as he finished pulling on his shirt. He looked at it and his heart began racing at Blaine's name lighting up the display. Kurt opened the message with a shaky finger.

**_FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Hey Kurt I don't know if you're planning on going to the diner but I can't make it, I have a meeting. Just so you don't think I'm ditching you or something. ;)_**

Kurt bit his lip as he reread the message. He **_had_** been planning on going to see Blaine, but that wasn't possible. Maybe he could meet with Rachel before her rehearsal instead. He decided to acknowledge Blaine's message before contacting her, knowing she'd keep him on the phone for a while, especially since she knew he didn't have work to go to since Seth decided to give him Fridays off that month.

**_TO BLAINE ANDERSON: Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Good luck at your meeting._**

Just as Kurt was about to hit the call button next to Rachel's name, another text came through.

**_FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Thanks! :) Have a good day!_**

Kurt smiled as he closed out of his messages, choosing to go for a run instead of calling Rachel. He needed to get rid of some energy if the floating in his stomach had anything to say.

**XXXX**

Several hours later, Kurt was seated on Rachel's couch listening to her babble on and on about how her costume fitting took **_forever_** and how they couldn't rehearse because the director got angry with someone and called them done for the day. He was trying really hard to stay interested, but there was only so much Rachel could say about the same subject before Kurt accidently tuned her out. Suddenly, a saving grace came in the form of Kurt's cell phone. He plucked it out of his pocket with an apologetic smile in Rachel's direction.

**_FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Hey, I'm playing a gig tonight if you'd like to come? I'll be on around 10 and it's at a bar called Jupiter. Would you be interested in coming? Maybe we can grab a drink after I'm done and talk since we couldn't this morning?_**

Kurt bit his lip as his brain went into war. He had missed talking with Blaine that morning, but the last time he saw Blaine at a bar or performing he'd been a complete asshole.

"You should go." Rachel said, suddenly a lot closer than she was moments before.

Kurt blinked at her, "What?"

Rachel shrugged and put a hand on his knee, "You should go. It's like the ultimate test, right? He was a jerk before so if he is again tonight, then you'll know."

Kurt nodded slowly, "Will you come with me?"

Rachel smiled at him, "Nah, this is something you have to do for yourself. I know you hate crowds but just stay near the back or something."

_'Oh! Right. The crowds. Shit. I can't do this.'_

"Rach...I can't."

"Well, tell him. He deserves to know whether or not you're going."

Kurt nodded as he picked up his phone once again. Just before he hit send something stopped him. _'Maybe I'll work up the courage later...maybe I should go. What if he's an ass? What if he leaves with another guy again and I have to watch him go? So. He's a grown man. But...maybe he'll be okay tonight, right? Can't we just stay coffee friends?'_

* * *

**_FROM KURT: I'm with a friend right now, I'm not sure I can make it but I'll try._**

Blaine reread the last message Kurt had sent him. It was from a few hours prior and Blaine had asked him to let him know if he ended up coming so they could meet up after his set, but since then no reply had come.

Blaine pocketed his phone as his name was announced and he plastered on his smile and walked onstage. He stepped up to the microphone and greeted the crowd, looking at as many faces as he could, hoping to find the one face he'd been wanting to be there. He tried to stomp down his disappointment when he came up short.

"Alright, let's get this party started, yeah?" Blaine said before slamming the first note on his guitar, earning screams from the crowd within the bar.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. I want to thank y'all so much for your patience with this little break we had. I'm hoping to keep on schedule from here on out. Thank y'all for all of the support and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought! Happy New Year! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt found himself seated at a table at the very back of the bar. Lucky for him, just as Blaine took the stage the couple that had occupied this table decided to go stand near the stage to see better. All of the other tables were occupied and Kurt could feel several people glaring at him for being a single person at the table. Granted, it was a small table, but it didn't frustrate the other patrons any less. The feeling of unease and beginnings of panic were bubbling within Kurt as more and more people began looking at him, waiting for him to get up so they could swoop in.

He'd long ago finished the sprite he'd ordered, having paid cash so as not to worry about closing out if he ended up needing to run. Blaine had been playing for almost an hour and Kurt couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips, even through the panic. Blaine was **_very_** talented. It was shocking to Kurt that no one had signed him to a label yet.

Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes swept the crowd while he sang. He lingered on a few different people, but kept singing his heart out. It amazed him that Blaine didn't get distracted with so many people watching him.

"Excuse me?" A voice near Kurt's ear made him jump back and nearly fall from his chair.

Kurt looked up and saw a man around 30 years old standing next to him, bending over to speak so Kurt could hear.

"Y-yes?" Kurt knew the man couldn't hear his response when he could only get out a gasp, but he figured the man would be smart enough to read his mouth.

"Dude, can I grab this chair? My friends are at the next table over but don't have enough chairs for my girl to sit." The man said gesturing to the chair next to Kurt.

Kurt swallowed as he felt several of the man's friends looking in his direction. He nodded shakily as his heart rate sped up and his hands began to shake even worse than before. The man nodded his thanks and took the chair from Kurt's table. Kurt closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

"Alright guys, I'm done," several 'aaaawwww's' met Blaine's declaration, Kurt opened his eyes to watch where Blaine went so he could say hello, "Thanks for the support, I'm sure I'll see you around. I play gigs all over the place, so just keep an ear out."

Blaine wove to the crowd and disappeared backstage. Kurt kept his eyes trained on the door that he'd realized led backstage and sure enough several minutes later, Blaine emerged. Kurt was about to stand when he saw Blaine smirk and beeline for someone standing on the fringe of the crowd near the stage. Kurt decided to stay seated and observe Blaine for a few moments and wait for him to be alone to go say hi.

He waited and watched as Blaine and this man walked to the bar and ordered a drink. They scooted their stools close and talked in close proximity to one another. Kurt saw Blaine wink at the man as he said something, effectively causing the other man to blush and shrug before allowing his eyes to rake Blaine's body. Blaine took that moment to turn and face him better, his legs splaying a bit and his face pulled into an expression that screamed sex.

Kurt felt extremely uncomfortable watching the interaction and realized that Blaine probably wouldn't be found alone for the rest of the night. It dawned on Kurt that he had two options, go say hello to Blaine and tell him he did a good job and leave, or leave without saying anything and not inform him of his presence, as Blaine obviously hadn't seen him in the back of the bar from the stage.

He finally settled on the fact that he'd already pushed himself this far and should go say hi so Blaine knew he'd come to support his friend, rather than completely standing him up. Kurt stood from the table, only to be almost run over by several people hoping to replace him. He stepped aside and took a few deep breaths to try and calm his racing heart at the random people's close proximity.

Once he'd gotten his bearings back, he looked to Blaine and saw that he'd put his hand on the other man's thigh and was leaned forward, whispering in his ear. Kurt had another debate with himself about whether or not it was worth it, but decided it was. As Kurt walked over, Blaine leaned back but kept his hand on the man's thigh, the man said something and it made Blaine smile, smirk really.

Kurt took another step and realized he was close enough to hear Blaine's response to an unknown question or statement.

"Oh, don't worry. I always look for a great fuck after a show. Sometimes I strike out, but **_sometimes_**, I find someone worth getting a drink and spending my night with. Let me grab us another drink." Blaine said before turning to grab the bartender's attention.

Kurt felt his ears explode. _'Is that why he asked me here? To sleep with me? How could I have been so stupid?'_

Suddenly Kurt felt eyes on him, he came back to the present and saw the man Blaine had been flirting with staring at him with a bitch glare that high school version of Kurt would have envied, current version of Kurt shrunk away.

"Can we help you?" The man asked bitchily to Kurt.

Blaine turned in apparent wonder as to who the guy was talking to. Their gazes locked and Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes widened.

"**_Kurt_**?!" Blaine asked, his tone incredulous with a slight twinge of...**_something_** and Kurt immediately realized he was not welcome near Blaine and that he shouldn't have come over to say hi.

The panic he'd been holding at bay came bursting out all at once and he turned and ran as far away from Blaine Anderson as he possibly could.

* * *

Blaine ran after Kurt, not caring that he was leaving behind an impossibly beautiful man who'd been more than willing to put out. When he'd turned to see who the guy was talking to Kurt was the last person he'd expected to see. He'd been so disappointed that his friend hadn't shown up. He knew that Kurt had already said he probably wouldn't be able to make it, but that didn't hurt him any less. Seeing Kurt standing there, hoping to talk to Blaine filled him with hope that they could help each other and become true friends. He knew it'd been a stretch asking Kurt to come, but Kurt had braved the crowds to support him.

It had been clear that his surprised had shown on his face the second he'd said Kurt's name. Kurt's entire body shrunk in on itself and he turned and ran out of the bar faster than Blaine figured was actually possible in a place as crowded as it was.

Once on the street, he caught sight of Kurt rounding the corner towards the subway station. Blaine knew Kurt was probably heading home, but also knew he had to fix the damage he'd just caused on their friendship. He ran in the same direction, suddenly glad for the time he'd been spending in the gym. He rounded the corner and kept running, halfway down the block he spotted someone huddled in a ball on the ground. New York is known to have many people living on its streets, but none of them were dressed like this; skinny jeans and a nice pea coat.

Blaine stopped running and studied the shaking form; realizing his intuition had been correct, he knelt on the ground near Kurt.

"Kurt?" The man flinched and tensed up, "Kurt, I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you. I'm sorry if I offended you. I really didn't mean it."

Muffled sounds came from Kurt's form before his arms unfolded, only to be placed in a protective mode over his head, leaving his face to be protected between his knees. Blaine felt his heart break for the other man. He wanted to help, but didn't really know how, especially being the cause of this panic attack.

"Kurt, take some deep breaths, okay?" Blaine instructed; Kurt's shaking form was unresponsive to Blaine's words, "Kurt, please look at me." Still no response and Blaine scooted a little closer, still not touching him, "Kurt, deep breaths. Focus with me, okay? In one, two, three...Out one, two, three...In-"

Kurt's form didn't change but shaky words were being mumbled. Blaine held his ear closer to Kurt's knees, hoping to catch what he was saying.

"Kurt, I need you to speak up or lift your head so I can understand, okay?" Blaine said quietly.

Kurt barely lifted his head from behind his legs, but he raised his voice slightly, just enough for Blaine to understand.

"Please, leave me alone, Blaine. Please. I trusted you. I felt safe. You don't want me. Just please leave and don't hurt me." Kurt just kept talking along those same lines without stopping.

Blaine's heart broke into a million pieces. He took a shuddering breath as his own insides began to churn. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pressing the tip of his fingers to his thumb one at a time, counting them as he went. Kurt's continued words combatted Blaine's attempts to calm himself. His insides were screaming to follow what Kurt says_; 'leave him alone, make him happy, do what he's begging of you_'. His brain was screaming the opposite; _'Kurt is in the middle of a panic attack, you can't just leave him here. He could get hurt or die. Stick with him!'_

"K-Kurt, I can't leave you. Y-you shouldn't," Blaine tried to take a deep breath and ended up in a coughing fit, his hands were shaking and his head felt like it was about to burst, his breathing coming in rattling and not catching enough air, "You sh-shouldn't be alone. Please stop asking m-me to go. Just l-let me help."

"**_Please_** leave me alone. Don't hurt me. Please. Let me be alone. For me, Blaine. Please. **_Blaine_**." Kurt's voice broke into a sob as he said Blaine's name.

Blaine felt his body standing on shaking legs before he even truly realized what he was doing.

"Kurt, I'm s-so sorry." Blaine whispered before he began running toward the subway, hoping against all hope that Kurt would be alright.

* * *

Kurt awoke the next morning completely unaware of how he'd made it home. The last thing he remembered was running out of the bar. He had a hazy memory of Blaine sitting on a street with him, but couldn't figure out why his mind would come up with that.

He rolled over and groaned at his aching body. He reached for his phone and saw he had a message from Blaine.

**_FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: I'm sorry I walked away. I just...I needed to help you and that's what you wanted. I hope you're okay. Please tell me you're okay? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just surprised. I need you to be okay. Please?_**

Kurt felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest as his mind conjured up the memory of Blaine's face when they'd locked eyes the night before. He'd made a mistake trusting Blaine. He'd made a mistake allowing himself to relax around him. He couldn't make the same mistake again.

**XXXX**

Kurt took a deep breath as his phone dinged again on his coffee table. He'd been receiving messages from Blaine all day, begging him to inform him of his wellbeing. Kurt bit his lip and opened the message.

**_FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Please tell me you're okay? I just...please hear me out, Kurt. Let me explain. I'll explain everything. I feel awful. I'm so sorry. Just...please hear me out._**

Kurt took a deep breath and hit the reply button, hoping that letting Blaine know he was alive would stop him.

**_TO BLAINE ANDERSON: I'm alive. Please stop contacting me. Please. For me. I need to be left alone. I made a mistake._**

**XXXX**

As Kurt slipped under the covers of his bed a few hours later, he eyed his phone suspiciously. He hadn't expected one simple message to shut Blaine up, but apparently it did. Kurt felt more relaxed as he settled onto his pillow, but there was still a heavy dread in his heart that no amount of deep breaths or calming exercises seemed to help.

* * *

_"Please, Blaine? For me?" Andrew batted his eyes at him as Blaine tried to avoid his gaze, "It would mean a lot to me. I mean, it __**is**__ my birthday after all."_

_ Blaine swallowed as the tugging in his stomach really pulled at him. Andrew had been at this all day long and Blaine's resolve was slowly fading as his body began shutting down. He'd never agreed to what Andrew was suggesting to begin with, but Andrew was insistent that they'd discussed it._

_ "I know and I thought we'd go out to dinner and have a nice evening for...__**us**__." Blaine said, finally meeting Andrew's gaze again._

_ "Well, this will still be __**us**__ I'll just be on the sidelines. I'd hate to let our guest down now that I've told them the plan. Wouldn't you?" Andrew said with a sigh, "I guess a night with only us would be good too, I was just looking forward to this." Andrew mumbled as he stood from their bed._

_ At the upset look on Andrew's face Blaine's body went into overdrive, his mind screaming at him to fix it, fix what he'd done wrong by letting Andrew down. At the same time, a small voice was screaming not to do it. It was sick and twisted and he loved __**Andrew**__ and wanted to only be with him._

_ "__**Wait**__. Fine. I'll do it." Blaine's voice was shocking to his own ears. He hadn't planned to agree, but it came out anyway. Immediately his body began calming as Andrew's hope filled gaze met his own, a smile spreading across his face. "Yeah, I'll do it."_

_ "Oh, Blaine! I love you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Andrew leaned down and kissed him passionately, "Okay, get undressed, I'll go get them."_

_ "I love you too," Blaine said before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, suddenly a single word popped out to him._

_ "Wait, __**them**__?!" Blaine opened his eyes and stood, but Andrew was already out of the room, his laughter along with several other unfamiliar laughs echoed down the hall and into the bedroom._

_ Blaine walked to the door where he peeked out and saw Andrew and eight other guys standing around. One of them nodded to Blaine and Andrew turned around, a wide smile on his face._

_ "__**Ah**__! There he is, though I'm surprised he's still dressed and coming out to see us." Andrew said with his eyebrows raised, "But, nonetheless, here he is boys," He waved Blaine out and he cautiously stepped forward into the room, "Here's your little __**fucktoy**__ for the night."_

Blaine sat up abruptly, shaking and sweating. He looked around and sighed in relief when he realized he was at his own apartment. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, calming his heart rate.

It was still dark outside so he didn't even bother to look at the time. He stood up and stretched as tall as he could with his arms overhead. He padded out into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water.

He sighed as old memories came flooding back through his head. He knew Kurt hadn't meant to trigger them, but that simple phrase that Andrew loved using did wonders on his subconscious, and not in a good way.

Kurt. That man was a mystery to Blaine and he wanted nothing more than to be trusted by him and to trust him. After their evening that should have been, it occurred to Blaine that that ship had sailed. Kurt could never trust him, and he was not likely to trust Kurt. He'd been excited with how comfortable they'd become around each other, granted it was nothing compared to where they **_could_** be, but it was a start, and Blaine ruined it by causing Kurt to have a panic attack and mutter the one thing that caused Blaine to lose all trust in him.

It hurt his heart to realize that the first guy he'd really had begun to feel a spark for and really pushed himself to get to know since Andrew was turning into a failure. It only reinstated what he knew before; he was not destined for relationships. Everyone turned their back on him or hurt him in one way or another. He just needed to stick to his ways; get laid when he wanted, focus on his career, try and keep in contact with his brother, and keep his distance.

Blaine shook his head, drained his glass of water and placed it in the dishwasher. He sighed and walked back to his bedroom to go back to sleep and fight more of his demons.

* * *

Kurt awoke on Monday feeling queasy. He'd had an internal battle through all of Sunday debating what had really happened with Blaine. Obviously, the man felt horrible for scaring Kurt on Friday, but Kurt also came to realize that maybe it wasn't the shock that scared him; it was the something else he'd had yet to place that scared him. He'd made a pack to himself to give Blaine one more shot. Really, it was to give **_himself_** one more shot because he'd messed up their friendship as much as Blaine had.

Kurt walked to the diner, trying to stay calm. He hadn't contacted Blaine at all since his message to get him to stop on Saturday evening; he hoped Blaine still decided to go to the diner that day and not avoid it simply because Kurt was building his way to becoming a regular.

He pushed open the door and heard the jingle of the bell overhead. He looked over to Blaine's usual table and saw his curls; his head was bent over a notebook, hand writing furiously.

Kurt took a deep breath and smiled at Lily, who was already pouring a coffee mug for him.

He sat down across from Blaine, "Hello, Blaine."

Blaine's pen fell from his hand and he slowly raised his head to meet Kurt's gaze. Kurt had to hold back a gasp as Lily set down his mug wordlessly before walking away. Blaine looked like shit. His exhaustion was evident in his eyes and they were surrounded by dark circles, his mouth was pulled in a slight frown and his posture was slumped in what could be construed as defeat.

"Hi Kurt." His voice was quiet and he picked his pen back up, twirling it between his fingers, looking back to the notebook once again.

"What're you working on?" Kurt asked, trying to break the tension between them.

"Work stuff."

Kurt immediately sensed that he was unwelcome, but he'd come for a reason and he wasn't going to fail himself, "Um, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for freaking out on Friday," Blaine's eyebrows knit together but he didn't say anything, "I was just...out of my element and already on edge. I think my mind mistook your surprise for annoyance. A-and I think I was also afraid because you w-were obviously sort of happy to see me and it scared me."

Blaine's voice was so quiet Kurt almost couldn't hear the words exiting his mouth, "But I invited you, why wouldn't I be happy you were there?"

Kurt sighed, "I know. And hearing you say to that guy that you're always searching for someone to...**_fuck_** after your shows...it made me think that was the reason you'd invited me," Kurt kept talking as fast as possible to stop Blaine from interrupting as his frown set deeper in his expression, "I realize that's not why you invited me, but in that moment my brain told me that and...among everything else, I believed it. I know it's not true though, we're...well, you wouldn't have invited me for that reason."

Blaine swallowed, "I'm glad you know that. I really just wanted to hang out."

"I know. Plus I've just...I'm sorry. I have had a lot of..."

After Kurt's pause trying to figure out how to phrase it, Blaine spoke up, "Shit happen in your life?"

Kurt nodded, "Yeah, and it's very hard for me to even **_talk_** to people, let alone understand why they'd be genuinely happy to have me around without some sort of hidden agenda."

Blaine nodded slowly before lifting his gaze to meet Kurt's once again, "You know Kurt, you're not the only one who's had a bunch of shit happen in his life. You're not the only one with trust issues. I don't know what happened in your past, but I know what happened in mine and there's something about you that makes me **_want_** to trust you, makes me want to open up and allow you to know me. But now..."

Kurt felt his heart sink at the unfinished thought and his body immediately tense at the realization that he, too, felt the same with Blaine.

"But now?" Kurt prompted, not missing the way Blaine's eyes began to fill with unshed tears.

"It's just...I don't know that it's good that we continue our...friendship, I guess it is." Blaine said through a choked voice.

Kurt's heart sped up in a new sort of panic; he couldn't lose Blaine, "**_What_**? Why?"

Blaine closed his eyes, allowing a single tear to stream down his cheek, and took a deep breath, when he opened his eyes again they looked so...**_haunted_**. Kurt knew that look. He'd seen it in the mirror many, many times over the years. Blaine had been hurt as bad, if not worse, than he had and something had brought his demons back. _'Oh my god. He doesn't want to be friends...it was me. I brought them back.'_

Blaine studied Kurt's face for a moment longer, "Kurt, look, I just...**_obviously_** you would have no way of knowing, but...something was said this weekend that cut deep and...I just can't do this. I can't...handle being close to someone. I need to stick to my ways and I'll be fine."

Blaine's eyes were pleading with Kurt to understand, but Kurt felt like the world had dropped on his shoulders. Blaine had just confirmed his fears; **_he'd_** done this.

"B-Blaine. I'm so sorry. I obviously...I don't know what I said, but I'm sorry. I didn't know."

The emotions in Blaine's eyes seemed to be at war as he studied Kurt. His eyebrows knit together as he looked down to his notebook again before slowly closing it. When he looked up again, he looked so vulnerable that Kurt was almost scared to hear what he had to say.

"Do you want to go somewhere where we can talk a little more...private?"

Kurt felt his eyes widen as his stomach clenched in on itself, _'Private? What are you going to do?'_ "W-what?"

"I think...I think maybe I should tell you about my past and...why I am the way I am. I don't know why, but I really do want to trust you. Something inside me tells me I can. It's scaring the fuck out of me, but...I think maybe I can tell you." Blaine looked on the edge of a panic attack, and Kurt felt his own panic rising, but he knew how huge this was of Blaine to do because even he couldn't do this now, if ever.

_'If he can trust you with asking you for this, you can trust him to be somewhere private for him to speak about his past without looking over his shoulder.'_

"O-okay. Um, where should we go?" Kurt replied.

Blaine shrugged, "My place is sort of far away, but it's got a comfortable couch to sit on if you're up for it? Plus, and this is completely selfish of me, but I'll be home, so...if things get...emotional...I don't have to worry about finding my way home."

Kurt bit his lip and as much as it scared him he slowly nodded, he could do this for Blaine. Maybe.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own Glee nor its characters. Well, we got a look into Blaine's past. Next chapter will be quite intense, I don't know that I'll be going fully into the scene that was hinted at here, but we do know that Andrew was not a great guy. The rest of Blaine's past was difficult as well, but Andrew was the icing on the cake. I'm hoping to stay on schedule, so one to two weeks until the next update. I hope y'all enjoyed! Let me know what you thought! :)**


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